The Passing Of My Mom - The Power Of The Moment
Manage episode 340271871 series 2864944
***The Passing of My Mom - The Power of The Moment***
Her hand was cold, not quiet like ice, but like stainless steel in chilly room. As I touched the hand of my deceased mother it was clear that her life force was gone, and it also really hit me that I would never, ever in my lifetime experience a moment like this ever again. Because in a couple day's my mother's body would be cremated and there would no longer be a physical hand to hold ever again. Even though this experience made it clear, that fact is that every single moment we ever live is just as unique and just as precious. How we choose to use this moment determines the totality of our life. Not the moment that just happened, but this moment right now. Now this one. Now this one.
A message that my dad has repeated since he let me know about my mother passing away is how many regrets he has about his life. How he wishes he had done things different. I'm sure if my mom had the time to reflect and express it, she would probably have similar regrets.
I have no regrets. Not because I haven't made mistakes, or wish I had done something different in situations in the past, but because I see that there is nothing to be done about the past in THIS moment. What I can do in THIS moment is change my relationship to what happened and my part in it. What did I know, or not know at the time? Did I learn something because of that mistake? If so, can I change what I do in this moment or future moments when the become this moment?
When I apply this to myself, it's way easier to apply to others. Others it's often easier to give them the benefit of the doubt. My mom was fantastic at this. She was very loving and very forgiving, but to an extreme: She was a doormat.
I probably could have slapped her in the face and burned down her house and she would have still let loved me and related to me. I never would have done that because for most of my life I was just as passive as she way, but I saw how that didn't serve her or me. So at times when I wish she had been able to stand up for herself and for me when I was younger, she was still teaching the valuable lesson to not be a door mat.
That's the lesson I've taken in this moment. In the past I used to blame her for not loving me enough to take care of me. In this moment I see that she loved me very much, she just didn't have the knowledge or the capability to set strong boundaries herself, but I was still able to get the lesson, just not in the way I wanted it to.
We don't always get the lessons we need in the way we want them, but if we're paying attention sometimes we see they come in even better ways.
I'm very grateful for my mom. The good and the bad. It all led to this moment. She'll be missed, but not forgotten.
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