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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion, a Zelda-like ala A Link to the Past, where you play as little Turnip Boy, not to be confused with Little Lion Man, who’s not as brave as he was at the start. After getting evicted by Mayor Onion for not paying your taxes, you must complete a handful of trash tasks for t…
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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Virginia, a game that really wants to be a movie instead of a game and suffers for it, becoming one of the worst "games" I've ever "played," featuring a lot of walking and a whole lot of, "pressing 'A' to pay respects." The score may be great and it doesn't look too bad either, but when the act of "pl…
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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Armed and Dangerous, a game that’s been sitting on my hard drive for years now, mocking me every time I look at my Xbox library with its top placement upon my alphabetically-ordered collection of download games, saying nothing short of, “Looks like someone’s still too scared to get a little dangerous.…
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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about...nothing in particular. That's right, this is not your traditional episode. Instead of talking about a single game like Marc usually does, they decide to get a little personal and apologize for a 2023 of so-so content--which they're sure you'll say they don't need to apologize for--before talking abo…
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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Goat Simulator, a game where you simulate being a goat by licking everything you can see, headbutting everyone until they pee, and wrecking general chaos with a face full of glee, even though you’d much rather be playing General Chaos for Genesis...or maybe that’s just me.…
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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Heaven Dust, a game that takes inspiration to a whole new level, copying Resident Evil to a T…virus, from the key art to the gameplay to the structure to the story to the window…to the wall, ‘til blood drip down them walls, all these zombies crawl, y’all shoot shoot shoot shoot them in the head, y’all…
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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about The Dark Pictures Anthology: Man of Medan, a game where you play as a bunch of rich kids trying to find buried treasure because, despite being rich, they’re not rich enough to pay for all the plastic surgery it would take to make Julie go from hideous monster to the madame of meDAMN girl, you fine. Bu…
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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Paratopic, a game I can't quite explain, where jump cuts are plentiful as you play; a game you could finish in just one day, in just one sitting, in fact, I say; a game I recommend despite my haze, for fans of David Lynch, Twin Peaks, and his crazy ways; a game I played, that you can play, so I say, n…
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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Terminator: Resistance--aka, Terminator: Resources--the game where you pick up everything you can see because, "Oooo, look, so shiny," and are marked for termination because you never learned that sharing is caring. You also shoot the occasional robot and have awkward sex, but the majority of the game…
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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about The Walking Zombie 2, a first-person shooter where you go on short missions to kill all the zombies, or missions to collect goods and kill all the zombies, or missions to find buried treasure and kill all the zombies, or missions to defend your home base and kill all zombies, or even missions to rescu…
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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Hyper Gunsport, a cyberpunk volleyball game where hands are replaced with guns (not literally) and enjoyment is replaced with the opposite of fun (yes literally). Despite some nice visuals and an alright idea, Hyper Gunsport doesn't live up to its potential thanks to poor controls and a general lack o…
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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Bowser's Fury, the additional content included with the Switch port of Super Mario 3D World, where Mario gets his very own harem of pussy(cats) while also getting his Powers Rangers in super-sized battles against kaiju Bowser in extra large Cat Mario form, all of it set in a moderately-sized open worl…
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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Police Chase, a game where you play as the police and chase NO ONE until the last few missions, where you’re stuck chasing super cars in your stupid and slow police van because no one told you you could walk out of your car and into a different, shiny, fast one, except maybe they did and you just were…
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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about The Crew 2, a game where you can drive, fly, or boat yourself through an incredibly truncated and disproportionate version of the United States, all in the pursuit of completing numerous events that fill the map with more icons than anyone could ever hope to complete because when you say icon, I say, …
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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Vampire Survivors, a game that sucks away most of the controls so you can watch numbers explode…eventually…because, oh my, does Survivors start slow. Vampire Survivors is a game that asks very little of you input-wise, but demands all of your attention–a bit of a weird dichotomy–but if you take the ti…
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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about The Simpsons: Hit & Run--the game many called, "Grand Theft Simpsons," but is really just, "The Simpsons: Road Rage 2: Now You Can Get Out of the Car, Too," not to rhyme 2 with too, but I did, like I do, so poo of me, and sorry to you. Does that sound like a good time? Do you think I had a good time? …
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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about G.I. Joe: Operation Blackout, "a team-based third-person shooter where you play as your favorite characters from Team G.I. Joe and Team Cobra. Experience the action from both sides as you help G.I. Joe restore order and lead Cobra to world domination." Does that sound like a good time? Do you think I …
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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Transformers: War for Cybertron, a third-person shooter set in the Transformers universe before they made their way to earth, meaning there's sadly no Shias or Marky Marks in sight. Also not in sight is ammo thanks to a baffling ammo system that's guaranteed to annoy everyone who dares play this game.…
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Most of you will be shocked to hear that Big Rumble Boxing: Creed Champions isn't that bad. I sure was when I played the game; however, that initial positive shock was followed by a much greater negative shock: the price tag. As surprisingly not terrible as Big Rumble Boxing is, it's got a significant lack of content problem. Based on what's there …
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I could try and find something to say here--something, anything of value--but I've got nothing, which is quite suiting since CrossfireX also has nothing--no fun, no content, and, oh yeah, no more existence either. This is not a traditional episode of Attack the Backlog and CrossfireX is not your traditional Attack the Backlog game/experience; howev…
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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Picross S, a picture crossword puzzle game that's strength is in its simplicity, providing enough challenge to engage the brain while never becoming too challenging to frustrate. It is thanks to this that it is one of the most relaxing and enjoyable puzzle games I've played in years; I only wish I did…
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This smurf of Attack the Smurflog is all about The Smurfs - Mission Vileaf, a 3D platformer with vibrant, colorful smurf, pacing that keeps things feeling smurfy throughout, and a smurf that feels good, which, let’s be honest, is the most important smurf of all. But don't just take my smurf for it, give this smurf a smurf or smurf and I'm sure you'…
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I wish I suffered from memory loss so I could forget ever playing NERF Legends; however, I'm at a loss for words instead. I honestly don't know what to say. NERF Legends is bad. It's not kind of bad, or, "so bad it's good," bad, it's just bad-bad. Without a single redeeming quality, NERF Legends is indeed a thing of legends as it will forever be on…
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I honestly can't think of anything to say and it's driving me a bit insane, so I'm just going shut up and let this here episode do all the talking as I turn around to escape my brain with a bit of fast walking; however, let me say one thing before I go: Wave Race 64 is a good time and a Nintendo 64 game that holds up as not just okay, but surprisin…
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I was beyond excited to return to The Punisher well over a decade since I played it last, but sometimes excitement is met with crushing disappointment and crushed I was this time. What I remembered being a fun and over-the-top action game fitting of the Punisher's name turned out to be a simple and boring exercise of repetition and poorly balanced …
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It's a sad day when you return to a series you once loved only to find out that love is no more. That was the case for me and Animal Crossing: New Horizons. You may be wondering, "Is it my fault or the game's fault?" The answer isn't that simple; the answer is both and neither. Ultimately, some things change and some things don't and this just happ…
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You know a game is special when you can take a break for years and return as if no time had passed at all. That was my experience with Slime Rancher, a game about sucking up slimes and spitting them into little prisons so you can force feed them until they shit their figurative pants, all so you can take that shit and sell it on the poo, I mean, pl…
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It's times like this that make Attack the Backlog worth it. For all the games that disappoint, there are games that surprise, and no game in recent memory surprised me quite as much as Clone Drone in the Danger Zone. Not only did I have a blast playing the game, but Clone Drone took me on a weird and wild journey I won't soon forget, delivering a s…
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Another every other weekend and another episode of Attack the Backlog is here for your listening and/or watching (dis)pleasure. This week's episode is for none other than One Piece: Pirate Warriors 4, the latest game in the One Piece musou series--aka, another one of those Dynasty Warriors games. That may already be enough to turn you off, but don'…
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Hello everyone. This here episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Yonder: The Cloud Catcher Chronicles, a game at least somewhat inspired by Breath of the Wild, where you’re thrown into an unknown world after shipwrecking on an island filled with copy and paste humans and seven different colors of foxes. You get your own farm, collect a plethora…
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Hello everyone. This here episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Need for Speed Payback, a racing game released in 2017 that feels like it was made in 1917, not directed by Sam Mendes, who surely sendes his regards to moi for the payback endured while playing Payback, also known as, “Yet Another Need for Speed game,” no one remembers because th…
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Hey there everyone! This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon, a standalone bite-sized Far Cry that offered a cyberific experience full of 80s vibes and supposedly good times; however, good times were not had and that's not because Blood Dragon is bad, but worse than bad: it's disappointing. What made Blood Dragon disa…
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I needed this one. After the year I’ve had, more so than anything else, I just needed a nice, chill, relaxing little game; a game I could get lost in for an hour or two; a game I could play and, if only for a moment, forget about all the real world woes and other various things that had me (and have me) feeling so low; a game that didn’t ask a lot …
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Hello everyone. This is Second Runs, the series where I, Marc Kusnierz, revisits games I played and loved in the past to see if I still love them today. Will I learn something new, confirm something old, or quickly realize this was all a mistake as I slowly destroy what little bit of nostalgia I have left in this world. No matter the outcome, I’ve …
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Hey there everyone! This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Resident Evil 7, the survival horror series’ jump to first-person and return to scares after going down a more action-centric route that started way back with Resident Evil 3. Did I love it? Did I hate it? Did I poop my pants multiple times while I played it? All these questions an…
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Hey there everyone! This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Dead Space 3, the followup to Dead Space 2 and...that’s all I got. A lot has been said about Dead Space 3 since its original release, most of it negative; however, when you go back and look at the reviews, you’ll see a wide range of opinions, from those who thought it was amazing--…
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Hey there everyone! This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Destroy All Humans!, the 2020 remake of the game of the same name that originally came out back in 2005. Despite doing a lot right and, in many ways, being what I want from most PS2-era remakes, Destroy All Humans! makes a few things worse and, not just a little worse, but a lot wo…
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Hello everyone. This is Second Runs, the series where I, Marc Kusnierz, revisits games I played and loved in the past to see if I still love them today. Will I learn something new, confirm something old, or quickly realize this was all a mistake as I slowly destroy what little bit of nostalgia I have left in this world. No matter the outcome, I’ve …
  continue reading
 
Hey there everyone! This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Rage, a first-person shooter where you wake up after spending over a century sleeping in a freezer just so you can do everyone’s dirty work for them, Norm MacDonald not included. P.S. Props to anyone who gets the entirety of this episode's title.…
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Hey there everyone! This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Dragon Ball Z: Kakarot, an open-world action-adventure game set in the world of Dragon Ball that retells the story of Dragon Ball Z in its entirety. If you want to experience Dragon Ball Z a second (or third/etc) time and don’t want to slog through the original series (or even the …
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Hey there everyone! This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Resident Evil 0, the prequel to Resident Evil starring Rebecca Chambers--aka, not Claire Redfield or Jill Valentine--and cool dude Billy Coen, with his super sweet tribal tattoo that apparently spells out “Motherlove” making me hate it (and him) even more than I already do. Billy h…
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Hey there everyone! This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about The Mean Greens - Plastic Warfare--random, I know--a third-person competitive shooter where you play as toy army men and battle across familiar environments like backyards, kitchen tables, and fish tanks. If that sounds interesting to you, check out the episode to find out just how…
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This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Mafia, specifically the Definitive Edition, which is a remake of the original game from 2002. Technically, this is a bit of a cheat episode since I did play the original when it came out, but since this is a full-blown remake, I said, "Fuck it, this is my show, and I can do whatever the heck I want," …
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On this episode of Attack the Backlog, I crash all the bands in the remake of Crash Bandicoot, a game that's anything but a hoot and more resembling of poo. As bright and colorful as the game may be, it sure made me miserable as you will see. As someone new to the series, it's rather disappointing, 'cause now when it comes to checking out the seque…
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On this episode of Attack the Backlog, I slide my way through an average game before discovering the game I played is completely different from the game others have played, except the only way to know it's different is by being told it's different. Why? Because the game itself tells you nothing. Confused? Welcome to the club--the, "I played Vanquis…
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On this episode of Attack the Backlog, I blow up everything but dolls in Just Cause 3, a game where you cause mayhem and destruction...just 'cause. This marks a first for Attack the Backlog. This is the first time I've ever gone back into my backlog to finish an old save, instead of restarting a game from the beginning (if it's something I've playe…
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On this episode of Attack the Backlog, I go on a roller coaster of love to like with Returnal, a third-person roguelite shooter that takes a lot inspiration from shmups and successfully translates it to a 3D environment. The gameplay is sublime, but because of the way it's structured, the game doesn't respect your time. What could have been one of …
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On this episode of Attack the Backlog, I return to the world of Ratchet & Clank with Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando. I went in with the highest of expectations and left with the saddest of realizations: I, maybe, don't like Ratchet & Clank. I loved the original game when I played it so many years ago and loved the reboot/remake, but, until now, th…
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On this episode of Attack the Backlog, watch as I duel and reviewel my way through the beautiful forests and valleys of Ghost of Tsushima, a game where you play as a samurai fighting against tradition in order to bring freedom and peace to Japan. If that sounds like your jam, I can't recommend it highly enough. I may sound negative at times in the …
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On this episode of Attack the Backlog, Marc puts on their best Obama mask and gets high as a kite while burning fields of dreams in Call of Juarez: The Cartel, the kind of dreams that only weed can make true, especially when playing a game that's worst that poo. The Cartel is a bad game in so many ways and the kind of game that leaves you constantl…
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