Emotional Intelligence: When Is It Real, and When is It Self Serving?

Jo & JJ Go Mental

They’re baaack! Jo and J.J. kick off Season 2 the only way they know how - by spelling out that sometimes we can get this emotional intelligence piece wrong. Many well intentioned leaders approach emotional intelligence as a tick box exercise, merely going through the motions, rather than really understanding the objective. That faux emotional intelligence in corporate societies will likely try to cover up a more self serving agenda. Jo brings an article on the topic from the Harvard Business Review, and it leads to her and J.J. discussing how to spot inauthentic emotional intelligence, how we can develop actual skills to listen to what people really need, and why modern day EQ can seem so darn self serving. Also, J.J. shares an update on her third book, and what the process of finishing it is kicking up for her emotionally.

Takeaway:

[2:11] J.J. shares an update on her third book, and it’s going to stir up a lot of stuff about the ego and narcissism, but it made her laugh, so that’s a good sign. She and Jo discuss the process of writing and how the sweet spot is always on the other side of the fear.

[10:30] Fun fact for those who may not know: VAT stands for “value added taxes”. Who knew?

[11:15] Jo reads from Harvard Business Review’s article, Is Your Emotional Intelligence Authentic or Is It Self-Serving?

The author writes about three most common emotional intelligence counterfeits he has seen leaders get trapped in:

1. A need to be the hero disguised as empathy.
2. A need to be right masquerading as active listening.
3. A need for approval dressed up as self-awareness.

[14:51] If some of these describe you, don’t panic! It doesn’t mean you are an awful person, we are often trained to do these to fit into our job or the larger thread of society.

[18:17] We can feel the energy of inauthenticity on a primal level.

[21:54] The White Knight syndrome is a co-dependent move where you think you are more together than everyone you socialize, and only you can help them. The Sexist Rescuer is also the person that swoops in to “help” someone and save them from sexism, but with a need to be recognized attached to it.

[23:47] Emotional intelligence only works if you are asking yourself the hard questions. We may get a hit of shame, but it’s our only chance of moving forward. If you are in a group considered the minority, it is your responsibility to do the work on what triggers you and your blind spots.

[29:12] There is verbal and emotional abuse veiled in emotional intelligence, which is the worst kind of abuse of power, and it’s up to us to take a hard look at ourselves and acknowledge our blind spots.

Connect With Us:

Joanna Denton | Dr. J.J. Kelly

Is Your Emotional Intelligence Authentic or Is It Self-Serving?

Madonna Inn