2-6: Abiding through their Hurts

Memoirs of Abiding

Abiding through our Children’s Hurts:

Today we will discuss how to abide through our children’s hurts, their storms, their traumas. Not

necessarily taking control of it or try to fix what they are going through but allowing God to be

ever present in the situation. We will discuss how this may apply throughout the various ages

and stages of a child’s life.

When a hurt occurs, depending on the age, the child may not know how to articulate what it is

they are feeling and experiencing. They may not be able to say if it is fear, sadness, anger, etc. So

as parents, we can listen and if we don’t get the right answer that we want to fix the hurt for

them, it can cause anger for both or even a deeper level of sadness. Truth is we cannot fix our

kid’s hurts.

Stuck Points, Causes, and Coping Skills

When kids go through traumas, or perceived traumas, with no reconciliation or healing for that

event, they develop poor coping skills, defense mechanisms, or stuck points. As they continue to

operate in these through the years, they become habits. Speakers discuss review stuck points,

causes, and behaviors that may manifest through unreconciled hurt.

Abiding and Teaching our Kids to Abide Through Traumas (Scripture: Romans 8:1 and 5,

Psalm 119:103, James 4:7, Psalm 91, Galatians 5:22-23, Deuteronomy 6 and 11)

One of the pillars of abiding is Living a life of Dependence, through Surrender and Submission.

This is never more important than when dealing with a hurting child who has gone through

trauma or extremely difficult trials. Instead of us fixing the trauma, we make it all about God

fixing their trauma. God healing and restoring them. If they are too young to understand, then we

are to be a model of Jesus.

“For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who

are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.” Romans 8:5

We can teach our kids the difference between flesh and Spirit, but we can also model it for them.

We can look in scripture to see evidence of the lack of spirit walking in our parenting. Do we

find in their tantrums we respond outside of: “Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,

faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control…” (Galatian 5:22-23)? If so, in that moment our flesh is

the one responding to our children’s flesh response. Flesh begets flesh. As parents helping our

kids through difficult times it will require our spirit surrendering our expectation of our children

and walking them through it. As we surrender, we walk in the spirit. As we walk in the spirit, “...

but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.”

(Romans 8:5).

Challenge Question: What is your expectation of your child? Is it some set of goals that you have

for them (get good grades, become captain of the basketball team) or are they Kingdom minded?

Do your expectations match that in Deuteronomy 6, 11? If they are Kingdom minded, then every

decision you make will have Kingdom implications. Do they align with God’s expectation for

you?

Next step, walk with your kid in those, letting your expectations be replaced with what the Word

of God says the expectations are of your sons and daughters. When we feel the flesh arise in our

parenting, then we need to ask why? Why am I responding like this? What is my flesh needing in

this moment that is not being met? Then take a quick second and ask the Spirit, the Counselor, to

provide that for us. Show our kids how to respond in these moments by going to God, praying

and reading in His Word. Remember Romans 8:1 in this journey of abiding through their hurts.