Chapter 6

Peaceful Parenting

Long SummaryIn this lecture, we explore the evolutionary factors that shape our behaviors in dating and mating. We begin by acknowledging that our templates for sexual success are our parents, as they have successfully reproduced. Throughout history, it has been crucial for individuals to follow the parenting practices of their parents, even if they were not always pleasant. Our genes prioritize reproduction over personal happiness or morality, and love and pair bonding exist to increase the chances of our offspring reaching reproductive age.During childhood, it is essential to submit to our parents' authority, as disobeying them decreases our odds of survival. However, upon reaching sexual maturity, it becomes vital to rebel and become aggressive ourselves, especially for males. Women are attracted to aggressive males based on their upbringing, and remaining submissive to parents after sexual maturity is seen as unattractive. This pattern of aggression during and after puberty is deeply ingrained in our evolutionary history.The ability to negotiate rather than resort to violence is a recent development in human society, and trade and property rights have become crucial for peace and prosperity. Parents need to adjust their parenting styles based on prevailing societal conditions. In more trade-based societies, raising children less violently is necessary for stability and a culture of negotiation.Eliminating violence from society is important for resource acquisition and overall well-being. Raising children with better negotiating skills and reduced capacity for violence is essential in such societies. Throughout history, societies that eliminated violent individuals evolved into polite societies that enforced moral standards through social ostracism rather than violence. In contrast, violent societies tend to be dominated by bullies. Boys raised by violent parents assume that their entire society is violent, and they submit to their parents before rebelling against them to attract a woman who prefers aggression. This cycle of submission and rebellion has been a survival strategy throughout history.However, the speaker highlights the hypocrisy in abusive parenting, where parents claim to protect their children while engaging in abuse. They emphasize the importance of knowledge and instruction to help those who genuinely want to be good parents. Individuals who pretend to be good but willingly do evil are seen as irredeemable, as they possess the knowledge of virtue but choose to act against it.The lecture also delves into the topic of discipline in parenting and the potential consequences of neglecting it. The speaker argues that allowing children to make their own decisions without guidance can lead to negative outcomes, such as poor health and lack of success. They stress the importance of teaching discipline at a young age, as it becomes harder to learn as adults. Examples of language learning and sleep habits are provided to support this point.