I Saw Goody Badwife Dancing with the Devil!

Scream Queens

We did it! Us crazy bastards finally did it! A reasonable length episode! Who knew we had it in us? This is basically the length we've always wanted our episodes to be but gave up trying because let's face it WE'VE JUST BEEN HAVING SO MUCH FUN YOU GUYS.
Speaking of fun, do you know what's really fun? WITCHCRAFT.
That's right - throughout recorded history the darks arts have intrigued our society through both works of fiction (Shakespeare's Weird Sisters are personal faves of Conor's) or through personal accounts.
Well, in this episode we don't really get to explore that because we take a trip back to famously fun and lighthearted colonial Massachusetts were nothing terrible ever happens to a small town called Salem, which you may have heard of from the film Hocus Pocus. Well, it turns out the whole place was a fucking shit show and we explore why. Basically two little white rich bitches got hopped up on some good old fashioned lye parasite and bloodlusty Christian pilgrims used it as an opportunity to murder a load of people. Not the little white girls though - no no, mostly women of ill-repute such as widows, women who displayed independent thought, or ones who gardens were just too damn luscious.
And don't get us started on the slavery. All we can say is if Tituba actually was a witch they all had it coming to them.
We also complain about joggers, people complaining about Night Stalker, Fran Lebowitz complaining about everything, and "Grimey 80's Dance Sleazy" (whatever that is).