My Teen is Trans

Tits Up with Pinky McKay

Episode 31: My Teen is Trans

This Tits Up episode has come about after I shared some recent research about trans kids on Facebook . The research validated what any parent of a transgender or non-binary child can tell you: “social contagion” doesn’t influence gender identity.

As the mother of a gay son who is now a confident adult man, I have heard similar comments about queer people for years, from parent blaming theories (which are absolute bullshit) to utterly vile comments about LGBTQ+ people themselves.

Despite a raft of ignorant comments, Lara bravely came on and mentioned that she had a trans kid. This is when I connected with her and invited her to share on Tits Up – as long as she sought her kid’s permission.

We discuss Lara’s journey with her child from infancy – how when a baby is born or even before your baby is born the first thing you discover is their sex and then:

• How we have cultural images, preconceptions and expectations around little boys and girls
• Signposts that may have indicated her child identified as different from the gender they were born;
• How her child first told Lara talk about their feelings around gender identity;
• Concerns Lara and her husband (yes, they are a traditional family) had for their kid – from worry for their wellbeing or safety and what their future journey might be, to how to be supportive parents, as well as dealing with friends and relatives’ reactions.
• How we can support all LGBTQI young people, whether they are our own kids or others. Note: suicide rates are extremely high for LGBTQ+ young people. Kindness is simple, we can all treat others with respect and dignity.

Resources: PFLAG International

There is also an Australian PFLAG (at this time their website is under construction)

Founded in 1973, PFLAG is dedicated to supporting, educating, and advocating for LGBTQ+ people and their families. PFLAG works to create a caring, just, and affirming world for LGBTQ+ people and those who love them.

Game Changers League NZ Social games group, safe and inclusive for neuro diverse kids

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More about our guest: Lara

Lara is a Mum of three – only one of her children is living. Inigo is almost 15, and identifies as non-binary. Lara’s twins were born in 2010, one died in utero, the other died 8 hours after birth. Lara developed sepsis and was lucky to survive, but the recovery took a while.

She says Grief is work. Parenting is work. Doing both is REALLY hard.

After a career in the film industry, Lara studied philosophy and computer science, and began working in IT sales, and later in medical equipment. Lara intended to go back to full time work as soon as her first child was settled in day-care. They are now almost 15, and Lara is still very much running her life around the needs of her child.

Lara says, through their struggles with school and ADHD, and then autism diagnoses, I have come to learn a lot about my own neurobiology and have come to terms with my own identity as “differently brained”.

Lara has been a camera assistant, marriage celebrant, cocktail bartender, freelance writer, blogger, community organiser, breastfeeding counsellor and community educator, peer mentor and community engagement delegate through many of her interests and passions.
She has completed training in combatting racism online and is a committed anti-racist (while still learning not to be racist, it takes a lot of unlearning!).

Lara is the founder of a small business, Game Changers League that runs team building experiences for gifted and twice exceptional kids, primarily focussed on kids self-esteem, self-efficacy, and mental health. Gamechangers League is about empowering kids and educating the wider community about new ways of thinking about inclusion and connection to enhance our world for both the neurodivergent, and the wider community.

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