It's Animorphs book 49, The Diversion, & we're so enthralled by it that we don't even take note of the episode number. In addition to changing the whole dang status quo, we discuss: More Blood Pokemon!, Being The Only One On The Way To Work Who Looks Like They Recently Drowned, Rachel Giving Marco A Drunk Stick & Poke, Fuck A Circus, and Hatsune Mi…

This was recorded just after our last episode came out four months ago. We have good intentions & I, personally, am doing something close to my best, thank you! Appropriately, it's book 48: The Return. In addition to rat monarchy, we discuss: I Think I Just Missed You Guys, Tobias Would Identify Too Hard With Anakin, My Podcast Within-A-Podcast Cry…

The six months between recording and posting this episode is a reference to the time travel in the book! Don't think about it too hard! We read book 47: The Resistance, which is about a real life war, unfortunately!! In addition to being xtreeme teene bored, we discuss: A Camp Movie Where They Keep Cutting To Beavers Building A Dam, Doing Crossword…

It sucks trying to capture that jaunty episode description tone when the book is just so sad. This book is so sad and so full of trauma and I don’t know how to do any sort of exclamation point about it or anything. We read Animorphs 46: The Deception and then talked about it. In addition to I DON’T EVEN HAVE A PITHY JOKE FOR THIS SECTION, we discus…

ive been soooooo sick its late & i didnt put the theme music in & im not gonna put the theme music in & im not writing a description & im not sorry. be nice to me. IT’S ANIMORPHS BOOK 45: THE REVELATION & SPOILER THE TITLE IS REFERRING TO U REALISING U HAVE TO BE NICE TO ME. In addition to general Marco feelings, we discuss: I Came Out To Have A Ba…

About forty minutes into this episode, one of the hosts just sort of starts photoshopping pictures of kangaroos and dropping them into the groupchat. That’s the energy we’re bringing to the analysis. It’s Animorphs book 44, The Unexpected, and we’re doin’ an outback daytrip. In addition to barely parsing 143 pages of action, we discuss: I Hate Havi…

Y’all… we are in the home stretch now, and it shows. It’s book 43: The Test, and we’re spending time with Taylor the terrible torturer & being tender about Tobias’ trauma. Totally. Taxing talk. In addition to the counteracting of jingoist propaganda for kids, we discuss: Gamer Corner: Outer Wilds, Andalites Have Posable Eyes, Tobias Doesn’t Know Hi…

We’re using this podcast to climb directly into your ears to go on a Fantastic Voyage through your blood. Sowwy!! While we’re on our vein hike, let’s talk about Animorphs book 42: The Journey. In addition to following some kids through another kid, we discuss: Doing Cars Wrong (Predominantly), Big Sit In Passenger Seat Of Truck Energy, Science Is C…

Returning to the studio after a few months with Animorphs book forty-one, The Familiar, where actually… nothing is very familiar. Think of who you were at age fifteen and come on this journey with us. In addition to being generally befuddled, we discuss: Death Note Yaoi, Star Wars Didn’t Exist Until Three Years Ago, High Quality Pictures Of Slim Go…

Welcome to our wonderful life diving into the classic “what if something had never happened” trope with the fourth & final Megamorphs! Join us as we watch Cassie become unstuck in time, hear Marco and Rachel grow closer together, and see the life of all of our favourite characters extinguished one by one. It’s Animorphs, baby! In addition to whatev…

Andalites? Disguised as human? On my Earth? It’s more likely than you think. This week, we meet some other refugees from the Andalite army, and learn a very important if kinda hamfisted lesson about ableism from Animorphs book 40: The Other! CW: Ableism (We rarely attach content warnings to this show, but the wildly dehumanising way this book tackl…

It’s time for a Cassie book, which means it’s time to settle down, open ourselves up to our more pacifist tendencies, and marvel at the Cronenberg-esque abomination that is an ant poorly attempting to morph into a human being. And also there’s a cape buffalo. He turns into a human too. It’s Animorphs book 39, The Hidden, and I’m sure Cassie’s fine!…

Crumph crumph: the sound of a book written in the 90s trying to deal with gender. It’s Animorphs book 38, The Arrival, which means it’s time to discuss our various mouth pleasures. Mine is just saying “crumph crumph”! Referenced media: Millennials Aren’t Growing Horns From Their Celled Phones, that statue of Oscar Wilde…

No controllers on this podcast! Only human beings who love the human character Rachel. She is strong, she is real, and she is our friend. It’s Animorphs book 37, The Weakness, and we’re considerably more excited about Visser 3’s fantastically strong ex-boyfriend energy than any of the actual plot. Rachel’s the boss now and we’re the Supernatural of…

Whew! That was a real tough battle, but Sara managed to get out of Canada alive! Unfortunately, we had to leave Satah behind for a little bit to fend off the oncoming Yeerk horde. Don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll be fine. In the meantime, we took a trip down to not-exactly-Atlantis to take a look at some Beegees, according to Rachel. It’s The Mutation…

In the longest episode yet, we somehow stay completely on-topic. In our defense, there’s a lot going on. It’s a seasonally appropriate Animorphs special today as we discuss the book Visser. No, not the monologuing himbo; the other one. Oh shit. In addition to… huh. No, seriously, this is just us talking about purely the book for almost an hour and …

Cancel culture is when six teenagers with alien technology come together to try to get you to freak out over some cockroaches in your salad. Sometimes, the natural state of two lifebeings interacting is fear. These are just quotes from Blair I really loved that were too long to make the episode title. I’m writing this at a bar because as I ordered …

We read Animorphs book 34, The Prophecy. That’s all I’m writing about the episode this week, cuz I’m tired. Take that, George Lucas! In addition to loving body sharing tropes, we espouse opinions on: Doggie Video Is Here To Stay, I Have To Fight My Adult Son, Ships Look Like Species, and What If Your Hometown Lake Was Polluted With Fascist Space Co…

One of us is knocked out with the flu, so it’s up to the remaining two to try not to get knocked out by Feelings. Someone please SOS (Save Our Son). It’s Animorphs book 33, The Illusion, and it’s time to settle once and for all whether dogs have a food culture. In addition to bemoaning the trauma of a bird boy, we discuss: Goo Goo Dolls Sounds Like…

If you see a less caffeinated version of this episode walking around, let us know so we can join forces. Until then, let me introduce you to the evil (?) twin: a full hour of someone audibly using a fidget spinner kicked off by someone else saying “Teens Lit AF”. It’s Animorphs book 32, The Separation, and the hosts are… of two minds about it. Bwom…

It’s a sleepy pod, baby! Cuddle on in for some relaxing bedtime discussion of Animorphs book thirty-one, The Conspiracy. Note: in this case, we assume that you prefer your lullabies to be full of children experiencing trauma. In addition to parents constantly being in peril, we discuss: 2b28, Ow My Baby Hand, Tiger Tiddies, Transgenderism Is Lit, a…

This is not a Frozen podcast… or is it? Whatever; it’s gay children with dead parents, magic powers, and tons of trauma from top to bottom as we tackle Animorphs book thirty, The Reunion. Do you wanna break a Yeerk pool? C’mon let’s go and play~! In addition to loving Marco with our whole hearts, we also discuss: Marco’s Modern Memes, TobIphone S, …

It’s about that TIME to figure out if you can keep a SECRET. Elfangor’s secret! In honour of this episode being shorter than usual, so is the amount of effort I’m going to spend on this description. If you hate it so much, why not go kill my goddamn grandpa so I’m never even ON this podcast? Fuck you. The book is MegaMorphs Three: Elfangor’s Secret…

Just because someone is absolutely one hundred percent guaranteed by the stars to kill one of your co-hosts is no reason not to stan. It’s a Cassie book, which means a lot of fumbling through trying to process the philosophical core of the Animorphs series. Also, eels! Join three people who have grown so ancient & wizened that they can no longer ha…

A heart-wrenching book about animal experimentation and factory farming somehow results in an episode that gets randy’n’rowdy by the middle of the intro. Don’t ask us how, but the energy just goes up from there. It’s Animorphs book 28, The Experiment, and we’re asking the tough questions: what if literally no-one can read??? In addition to having p…

On this week’s episode of Setting the Record Queer, I sat down w- wait, no, that’s not quite right. Join Sara as she engages in a crossover event with the hosts of Setting the Record Queer! Join us as we watch Not My Problem, defend the prequels, and find out just how much the average person knows about Animorphs! Spoiler: it’s really not that much…

In addition to book 27, The Exposed, we also discuss: This Podcast Episode Is The One Where We All Roleplay As Minor Characters From Animorphs, Gay Coded Side Character, Footloose Is A Bad Play By The Way, Synthesiser Censoring Of Smart Home Activation, How To Define An Arm, and Droid Rights

Can someone, for the love of god, get these kids some therapy? Jake had a living, thinking being die in his head and now the fucking eye of Sauron is visiting him in his dreams. It’s book twenty-six, The Attack, and they don’t even get to enjoy the touring stage production of The Lion King that came to their school before the Ellimist sends them of…

This episode got lost in the snowy tundra for three weeks, where it repeatedly almost died of hypothermia before morphing back to its original form and then morphing back to let itself almost die again. Uh-oh! Luckily, it survived. In this very scattered episode, we read Animorphs book 25: The Extreme. The Yeerks of being incredibly tired and giggl…

After a month sailing the far-reaching seas of the Chronicles, we’re returning to the main series and, thank goodness, the main drive of this entire show: rap battle brackets. Palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms melting into the form of wings, oh god, oh god, the noise of it. The crunching and churning. Oh god, oh god. It’s book 24 The Suspicion, an…

Sit down with me, little bird, & let me tell you a story about how a series about the horrors of war somehow becomes even warrier & more horrific. It’s The Hork-Bajir Chronicles, and it’s just upsetting. Let’s get real sad about it! If you need a pick-me-up, think about the last episode and check out this amazing canon image of a canon event. Remem…

We janked up the timeline by skipping books and we’re getting picked off of the show one-by-one as we accidentally unborn ourselves in our attempts to go back and fix the error. Uh-oh! With The Andalite Chronicles, we’re hopping all the way back to before the story even began, now with the baggage of loving these children way too much. In addition …

By the grayse of gawd, Blair and Satah are here to discuss Animorphs book 23, The Pretender. What’s family? What’s morality? How does a hawk deal with CTPSD & clinical depression? How do we adopt & protect him, please, like please,??? In addition to Tobias’ general angst, we discuss Experimental Podcast Loops, Listen Let’s Talk About Wills, Traumab…

Bill Clinton is in your D&D campaign. Bill Clinton is in your house. We’re talking about book twenty-two, The Solution, but more importantly, we’re uncovering the secret that TRPG makers everywhere don’t want you to know. In addition to QBC (quiet bill clinton), we discuss Grocery Pranks, Blair’s Online Legacy, Sara Gets A Pop Filter, What We Were …

After an epidemic of laptop foibles, we’re back to discuss book twenty-one, The Threat. Some of us are certainly having our patience threatened by a certain newcomer to the series. Who has opinions about birds? Who has opinions about what instruments the children would play? WHO is the DAVID of this PODCAST??? In addition to a detailed list of seag…

Have you ever been sitting near a pool and thought that the game of Marco Polo just had too many words involved? Blair and Satah have you covered as they spend about an hour mostly saying “Marco!!” at each other in various tones of worry and affection. It’s book twenty, The Discovery, and the new kid either sucks, or just isn’t dealing well with be…

It’s time to cry about Cassie and the general concept of cats. Two of us read The Departure, but one only read the Wikipedia article for leopards. You won’t believe which one is which. Number 19 changed my life. Gone sexual?!?!?! In addition to Cassie’s anhedonia, we discuss Rachel Queer Eyeing Tobias, Ruthlessness, A Royalty AU, In This House We A…

Broccoli is alien and there are, unfortunately, no therapists in the Cretaceous Age. This week, we’re talking about poorly-done comet foreshadowing and goodly-done character moments in Megamorphs 2: In The Time Of Dinosaurs. Animorphs, uhhh, finds a way. Thanks. Thank you. In addition to horrifically enormous lizards, and begging for an adult to ta…

Can a family be one mom, one dad, one more parent, their blue son whom they all could not possibly love more, & all of his vigilante friends? Yes. Absolutely. It usually is. Learn that and more with the three most linguistically fastidious people you know as they throw their advanced brainpower behind analysis of the eighteenth Animorphs book: The …

It’s the oatmeal book, folks, so strap in as Blair, Sara, and Satah tuck in to book seventeen, The Underground! Join us as we talk about limbs getting ripped off and how fun that is, Animorphs Therapist OC, dogtalk, Glee-talk, and so much more!

Blair is BACK and better than ever, ready to pop off season two of The Wonder Yeerks, and Satah’s decided to tag along for the long haul too. We suppose that Sara is just along for the ride, then. But that’s fine! Because this week, we have a… rhino, of a time discussing book sixteen: The Warning! Topics include: Being Very Tender About Children, D…

Hey man, c’mon over here. You want a hit? This sweet alien bowl is almost kicked, but there should be enough for one more hit. It’s good shit, too. Some kinda third type, according to Ax. Anyways, let’s get stoned on some galaxy brain kush and talk about crossing over Animorphs with Buffy. In addition to episodes one and two of The Leader, we also …

Hey, uh…weird question, but what is this? A podcast? About what? …Animorphs. Huh. Yeah, sorry, we conked our head and got amnesia, so we don’t know much past what we just watched a few minutes ago. Anyways, now that that’s all sorted, join us to talk about this episode of Animorphs, The Forgotten! In addition to forgetting everything, we also discu…

Well, bad news, Sara’s name-morph lasted longer than 2 hours, so now she’s a namethlit. But that doesn’t matter, because Satah invented a new sport, and we’re gonna make millions off of it! We’re geniuses! Please don’t steal our ideas, we need this to make it through the next financial quarter. Our bosses are brutal! I’m not entirely sure where the…

The rumour come out: does Satah is correct? Yes. Absolutely. This a good TV show, and finally, all of the hosts agree. There will be no take-backs. Today we’re talking about Animorphs S01E11, in which the protagonist is inexplicably swapped, and then semi-explicably croc’d. On the “Does Tobias exist?” chart, this one ranks: sort of! In addition to …

Well, Lulu did in fact morph her leg into a broken one! But she’s back now, and is extremely slowly de-morphing. Hopefully she doesn’t get stuck like this! Anyways, we have the first episode that Lulu actually liked! Wow! Some top quality acting out of Shawn Ashmore here. In addition to this stellar two-part episode of television, we also discussed…

Lulu gone done and morphed her leg into a broken leg, so Blair’s back to cover episode eight of the TV show! Much like the inside of Satah’s brain, this one’s all about Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill. What’s going on with that guy? What’s Seerow’s Kindness? Is it less weird that Tobias isn’t here AGAIN if everyone else is also offscreen? Is Marco, like…

Welcome to the first ever live episode of The Wonder Yeerks! Lulu’s up in Toronto for EGLX, and Satah made the trip over to her hotel to record this episode in the flesh! Also, the gang has finally found a weapon to fight the yeerks, and it’s fuckin…oatmeal. Brown sugar oatmeal. Yeah, we don’t know either. Apparently this happens in the books, but …

Well folks, remember how we said nobody gave a shit about Tobias being a nothlit? Remember how he almost killed himself in book three because he hated it so much? Yeah, me neither. Anyways, Visser Three throws a temper tantrum and we talk about whether Satah’s a furry! It’s The Message! In addition to this nightmarish episode of Animorphs, we also …

Well, finally, Tobias is a nothlit. Like, officially. And they don’t spend any time on it! They get over it in like 2 seconds! This child is basically dead, but everyone’s pretty much okay with it! Which is super weird, honestly. Anyways, let’s get into Between Friends, which, well, I was about to make a joke about that being the name of a webcomic…