Overcoming and Overlooking

Living Emunah By Rabbi David Ashear

We have been taught how valuable it is to forgive or overlook when someone wrongs us, but sometimes that is extremely difficult to do, especially when our feelings have been hurt. Our Rabbis have taught us that if we aren't able to get the hurt out of our hearts, we're encouraged to tell the person who hurt us that we feel hurt, and of course we have to do that in a nice way. Just telling the person our feelings will relieve so much of the pain, and that will enable us to forgive. But sometimes that's not an option, and then we'll need to dig deep down and overcome our hurt feelings to do what Hashem wants. The rewards for that are unimaginable. Sometimes Hashem wants to give a person a present or a salvation, but in their current state it wouldn't be good for them to get. However, if they would overcome an enormous test that Hashem would give them, that would make them fit for the blessing. We should use these thoughts as a motivation to do what's right and overcome the difficult tests that are sent our way. I was recently reminded of a story we told last year about a young man who was learning in yeshiva and had just begun shidduchim. One day his father received a call from a shadchan who proposed an excellent match for him. After doing their research, they gave the go-ahead to proceed. However, a few days later the shadchan called them back saying the girl's family had declined. Although they heard great things, the girl had her heart set on marrying someone who was on a higher level in his learning. When the boy heard that, his pride became shattered. He knew he wasn't the top learner, but he did work very hard to be the best he could be. The feeling of insult was very hard for him to get over and there was really nothing he could do besides work on himself and move on. Less than a week later, he felt better and was able to do something amazing. His chavruta was an outstanding learner and he felt he was the type of boy this girl's family was looking for. So with superhuman strength, he told the shadchan to try to set up his chavruta with the girl that rejected him. Several days later, the shadchan called the boy's family back with a response they would have never imagined. When the girl heard about what he had done, she said, "A boy who was able to overcome insult and try to help me and his chavruta is somebody with incredible midot tovot. That's exactly what I'm looking for." The shidduch was made and Baruch Hashem, they got engaged. Being able to be mevater is an enormous zechut which brings about great blessings. Sometimes a person needs to be mevater kaveyachol to Hashem for the hurt feelings that he feels. People do things in the area of Torah and mitzvot and at times it seems like they lose out from it and they wonder why Hashem would do that to them. They may experience negative feelings towards Hashem or towards the good deeds that they did. Being able to overcome that and understand that a person never loses out from doing what Hashem wants will also earn a person great merits. A man told me one day he was flooded with phone calls from various people who needed his help. While speaking to one individual, he saw the phone lighting up from his investment broker, but he couldn't interrupt this individual who was pouring out his heart to him. That day he got so busy helping all those people he completely forgot to call back the broker. The next day when he went to the bank, the investment broker told him he could have earned him so much money but because he wasn't able to speak to him he missed a golden opportunity. The man immediately replied with unwavering emunah saying he was involved in doing chesed and a person never loses from doing a mitzva. He didn't feel bad at all missing any opportunity. Nine days later he earned an unexpected sum of money and told his investment broker about it. The broker said, "Wow that is definitely more than you would have earned with what I was going to do." Overlooking when we feel that we may have been wronged or treated unfairly is a very precious avodah. Sometimes Hashem gives a person the opportunity to do that just so He can give him the blessing He wants to give.