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Two HGTV obsessed friends watch and discuss the best and bizarre moments on House Hunters and House Hunters International. We'd love to hear what YOU love and love to hate about House Hunters. Call our hotline at (312) 869-4682 and we may use your message on the show
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KOLD

Isabelle Avalon Rogers

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An original comedy podcast with songs. A co-production of the Very Little Theatre in Eugene, Oregon. Intended for those who are nostalgic, young at heart, and/or big fans of radio dramas, Celtic music, ad jingles, and Mechagodzilla. Certified to entertain and to lack any references of COVID and depressing current events. Eleanor dreams of finding millions of listeners for her station, KOLD Radio, and bringing 1940s-style radio dramas back to the mainstream. But right now, she's only losing m ...
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In the ancient University town of Noxford (which is definitely not Oxford), Donald McQueen is Professor Emeritus of Bibliography and a Fellow of both Timor Mortis College and Unrewley House. McQueen's adventures begin one morning when he finds the ear-trumpet of Death in the anteroom of the Fellows’ Library at his College, and discovers its miraculous power to eavesdrop upon any time or place, any reality, and to hear even the thoughts of the people and animals around him. All the while, he ...
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In this final, bumper, double number of Volume I of Professor McQueen's Adventures, the tragic story of the seven old ladies locked in the laboratory reaches its grisly climax, and the Professor finally remembers to check the smurf trap in the gardens of Timor Mortis College at Noxford. Cherrytop the Sarcastic Horse again fails to put in an appeara…
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Finally! KOLD Episode 5 is here, bringing Season 1 to a close. Eleanor controls her controlling behavior. The surprising conclusion to The Amazing Adventures of Brock and Sonya involves a lot of Segways, Ultraball, and a little emotional wreckage. Brock and Sonya's romance leaps off the page. Somehow, James Taylor involves himself in the workings o…
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Professor McQueen returns to Timor Mortis College, Noxford, and muses on the history of that "City of leaning spires and ghostly biscuits", before encountering the strange gods, tragedies and robots of Noxford. Cherrytop the Sarcastic Horse again fails to put in an appearance, but Elton John turns up at the last moment ...…
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Professor McQueen is missing his cat, so decides to leave the Duodecimo Club (in London's Bibliography Quarter) and return to his lodgings at Timor Mortis College, Noxford. But on the train he meets his nemesis, the worst man in the world, the organizer of half that is evil and nearly all that is undetected in the city of books, the Napoleon of Bib…
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In this chapter of his adventures, Professor Donald McQueen wrestles with a great moral and intellectual dilemma – should he use The Ear-Trumpet of Death for entertainment, or reserve it only for academic purposes? A telephone call to his sponsor can help to identify the sauce of all knowledge and wisdom, and the answer to his great question result…
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In this holiday episode, Poppy spends December 24th, one of the least scientific days of the year, alone at KOLD Radio broadcasting her show "No More Pseudoscience With Poppy". Will she spend the whole night encased in doubt and gloom? Will her heart grow a few sizes? No matter what happens, you, dear listener, will certainly learn more than you ha…
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In this extra long episode... Conall gets inspired, Poppy and Beibo listen to a Soppy Romance Mix, Eleanor reminds us that four people do not fit on a Segway, Walt puts on a desperate puppet show, Joe decides to take action, and Mary goes to the mall. The saga of Brock and Sonya is taken over by Phil Merlot, a PI who's embarrassed of his real job a…
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Who printed the Codex Assinorum of Scrotus? And when? And why? These are the questions which plague Professor Donald McQueen of Timor Mortis College, Noxford. But his concentration is broken by tales of the cruel and mysterious Mr Lavender, and by visions of murderous Scotsmen, elderly lady detectives, Darth Vader and a radio-controlled cat, to say…
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In this episode... Walt gets a little too creative with a mini-fridge, Poppy and Beibo become accomplices, Petunia changes her voice, and Eleanor totally doesn't have a panic attack. The saga of Brock and Sonya goes off the wall, featuring Mechagodzilla and the greatest terror Brock Austin has ever faced. Plus: the fans perform "Ear-Trumpet Zone" a…
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A jingle from Episode 3 - which will premiere tomorrow, Dec 5! Sung by Emma Paulini, with music by Val Haynes and lyrics by Isabelle Rogers. An advertisement for a possibly-fraudulent hearing aid company. For more jingles like this, listen to Episode 3, and all forthcoming episodes!על ידי Isabelle Avalon Rogers
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An excerpt from Episode 2. Sung by Emma Paulini, with backing vocals and lyrics by Val Haynes, Thor Rogers, and Isabelle Rogers. A loving parody of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah". And an advertisement for a mortuary that - to our knowledge - may not actually exist. For more jingles like this, listen to Episode 2, and all forthcoming episodes!…
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In this episode... Poppy and Beibo explore Google Translate, Walt puts on a puppet show, Conall returns, and Mary's fans invade. Then, they premiere the first segment of the saga of Brock and Sonya, featuring a dancefloor and the enigmatic Emergency Man. Plus: the jingles "Ziffrin Brittenham" and "Werner's Mortuary"! KOLD is written, mixed, and dir…
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Professor McQueen continues his sojourn at the Duodecimo Club in Pall Mall, where he just misses the opportunity to meet Death in person. Who will be the next President of the Bibliographical Society? How could a Scottish music teacher possibly be misunderstood by the girls of Whittering's School in Hampshire? What is the mysterious accent employed…
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KOLD is a new serialized comedy podcast about aging, nostalgia, and big, goofy dreams. In this episode, Eleanor dreams of finding millions of listeners for her station, KOLD Radio, and bringing 1940s-style radio dramas back to the mainstream. But right now, she's only losing money, listeners, and broadcasters. It's her last chance to save the stati…
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Professor McQueen arrives at the London club patronized by the cream of the world's bibliographers, The Duodecimo Club, where he meets some old friends and Joanna Lumley, before being sucked again into another absurd episode of the 1970s TV science-fiction masterpiece "The Venus Probe" ... Be warned. These are dangerous penguins!…
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Professor Donald McQueen (Bibliographer!) tries to leave Timor Mortis College for his London club, in search of a little peace in order to continue his researches into the Codex Assinorum. But he is waylaid by a series of real and spectral visions, and gets caught up in an absurd episode of the 1970s television series The Venus Probe ...…
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Professor McQueen recalls the dispute which arose over the mystery of the Codex Assinorum, and the teeth it cost one of the protagonists, before being distracted again by the Ear-Trumpet of Death and hearing of the tragic end of the world's most fragrant vampire ...על ידי Paul W. Nash
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Professor Donald McQueen learns to control the Ear-Trumpet of Death, and tries to pursue the mystery of the Codex Assinorum. But he is distracted by the doings of his embarrassing older brother Starwheel (who wishes to be a star of the musical theatre), the continuing saga of the world's most fragrant vampire, and the thoughts of his beloved cat ..…
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Welcome back to Timor Mortis College, Noxford, where Professor McQueen pursues the bibliographical mystery of the Codex Assinorum while continuing to be distracted by the ear-trumpet of Death, through which he hears of foul-mouthed wombles, windy vampires, monstrous Archers and superhuman chavs. Parental advisory: A little strong language can be he…
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McQueen discovers the ear-trumpet of Death, and begins his adventures in the worlds it opens up to him, in the past, the future and in other realities, while pursuing his true destiny as the explicator of the mysterious Codex Assinorum. Exclamation marks abound! Written and performed by Paul W. Nash.…
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We're back, baby! Its the holiday season, so hoop-de-doo and dickery dock. Saddle up and come watch this schlock. Our good friends at UpTV sent us a screener for A Christmas Switch. We are 1) Shocked we are on a PR list and 2) not ready for this christmas movie that even Michelle had to as "WTF?".
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When mustaches and the Dutch and exploding boats combine, you get Night Watch, the sequel to a previous film we watched, Detonator (aka Death Train). And not only did we watch the sequel in honor of our 2nd anniversary, we brought back the guest who introduced this film series to us in the first place, Ollie Brady!…
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Our series of sequels for our 2 year anniversary continues with this Christmas movie from Hallmark. You know, for anniversaries, you should get gifts. Whoever gifted us this should have attached a receipt so we could return it to the cinematic equivalent of a Tuesday Morning that this film came from. Good news is we find out about Steph's new hero …
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Remember back in 2016 when we discovered the most Lifetime Movie to Ever Lifetime aka Stalked By My Doctor starring Eric Roberts? Well hold on to your butts because they made a sequel. In honor of our 2nd anniversary, we are revisiting some of our favorite films that have had sequels made so we HAD to watch Stalked By My Doctor 2 : The Return. Spoi…
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Have you missed campy, scenery chewing, Lifetime movies? So have we. So this week, we watched Psycho Wedding Crasher starring Joan Van Ark from Knots Landing. Steph also had to explain to Michelle what Knots Landing was. Also there is an actress named Fiona Vroom and we get an update on what Steve Guttenberg is doing these days…
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What happens when two Royal obsessed friends have no sleep and some mimoas and a BBC news feed to keep them company? Well, its this. ITS 2 HOURS! Watch the royal wedding again and try and sync this up. Its impossible but try. We talk about hats and bell sleeves and why Prince Phillip looks the way he does and the impact of representation and why li…
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While Stephanie is off soaking in Royal Watch 2018 IRL, Michelle is joined by Dawn from Hunting Houses and Beckett to the Future to talk about My Summer Prince. We find out what happens when Michelle actually takes notes about a movie and what it takes to make it in the world of fictional Royal PR
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Royal Wedding Watch 2018 continues with something comparable to really bad deja vu. As a follow-up to watching Hallmark's William and Catherine, we decided to watch Lifetime's William and Kate. Basically, we took one for the team and watched the same movie twice. As a bonus, Michelle recaps two additional royal-themed Hallmark movies, Royal Hearts …
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For this week's episode, we are in Boston to meet a woman who's amazed by almost everything and insists on smelling salt water. We also meet a man who has now introduced the term "Maker Space" into our real estate lexicon. Also, Stephanie educates us a bit about New Kids On The Block. Hunting Houses is moving to every other week through the summer …
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We are just under 2 months away from the Royal Wedding, 2018 edition so Michelle and Stephanie watched the made for TV movie about Wills and Kate. No, not the popular one. The crappy one Hallmark made in 2011. Also, witness the worst casting for Princess Diana ever caught on film. Also, Jean Smart from Designing Women plays Camilla Parker Bowles an…
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For this episode of Hunting Houses, we head to rural PA to meet a teacher and some sort of engineer. She wants to live in a neighborhood. He wants to live, like, in the forest. Or like a vast wasteland. Who knows. He apparently hates other people. Or he's afraid folks are going to be too nosy. Doesn't he understand thats WHY you have neighbors? To …
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You asked. We Answered. We watched the 2016 remake of Mother May I Sleep With Danger, starring James Franco, Tori Spelling and a bunch of emo teens. This movie had like 97% more blood and 100% more My Chemical Romance knock off tunes. We didn't hate it. And sometimes thats the best review we can give.…
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Welcome to Hunting Houses: A House Hunters Podcast. We christen this show with Rockin' Out Texas Style, where we meet an obviously ovulating, Christmas tree obsessed woman and her husband who's distracted by automatic doors and where can have a studio so he can get his high school band back together. Will this couple find their dream home in Fort W…
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This movie is about as far as you can get from our normal fare. We were joined by Ollie Brady from the Best Acquaintances podcast to talk about the movie Detonator. Or Death Train. The movie so nice, they named it twice. This film stars Patrick Stewart, Pierce Brosnan, Christopher Lee and the dude who played Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs. It…
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Welcome to the first of what feels like an endless installment of Meghan Markle movies. Kicking of Markle season is Dater's Handbook from Hallmark. This movie has just enough mini-golf to keep us interested for a good 20 or 30 minutes. Also a middle aged woman who loves REO Speedwagon so we get a glimpse of what Steph will be like in about 15 years…
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Coming in Feb, 2018: Welcome to Hunting Houses : A House Hunters Podcast. Two HGTV obsessed friends watch and discuss the best and bizarre moments on House Hunters and House Hunters International. We'd love to hear what YOU love and love to hate about House Hunters. Call our hotline at (312) 869-4682 and we may use your message on the show…
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Did you miss when we watched A Christmas Prince? Have no fear because this movie is EXACTLY the same. Its A Royal Winter from Hallmark. Michelle and Steph talk about a new, much more royal adjacent rating system for these movies. Also there's a PSA about why your souvenir hat shouldn't matter when you find yourself in an alley with a stranger.…
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Well the weather outside is frightful, but this movie is kinda delightful? I mean, its not great but I didn't want to rip my eyeballs out so bonus? Playing the part of Michelle this week from the Beckett To The Future podcast (), its Rachel Rosing So sit back with a warm cup of cocoa, put on your best pair of Converse and settle in for a tale of ro…
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No, not THAT Home for the Holidays. You mean you haven't heard of the 1972 ABC Made For TV Movie starring Jessica Walter, Sally Field and Walter Brennan? Well now you have. Its kinda like that other Home For The Holidays but like real 70's and real murdery. We might have found our new favorite Christmas movie.…
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Happy Halloween, Lifemarkers! Michelle totally pulled a trick when making Stephanie watch this movie. Its like the necco wafers of Halloween movies. We watched the Disney Original Movie Don't Look Under The Bed. Also, Steph and Michelle try to figure out the physics behind the Boogie Man, Beautiful Mind like.…
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Michelle and Stephanie are back. Hallmark Movies are back. Sorrento Farms is back. That's right! It's the sequel to Autumn in the Vineyard, Summer in the Vineyard. We catch up with Frankie and Nate and check in on that llama, Mittens. Also, Stephanie nearly died at a museum this week and Michelle learns about tacos.…
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