The Goodness To Which You Are Called // Essential Life Skills, Part 4

Christianityworks Official Podcast

The world is full of good and of evil. You and I, we’re called to live a life of good. A life that honours God. But what we need, are the life skills to allow us to do that. Fortunately God’s already thought of that – and His Word is packed full of wisdom, full of the very life skills that we need, to live a life that glorifies Him.

Treat People as Individuals

One of the things that’s incredibly precious to each one of us is our own name. It’s an odd thing when you think about it. I mean, a name is just a label; it’s a unique identifier, but if that’s all that there was to it, we could just have a number. Why don’t we change your name to 7449018? ‘G’day, 7449018! How are you?’ It just doesn’t have the same ring about it, does it?

And there’s a reason for that. Our name speaks something of our uniqueness into this world, and so we become incredibly attached to our names. I love the fact that my name is Berni; B e r n I with no e on the end, because that’s how my parents spelt it, and that’s how it is. I often find myself telling people when they’re writing down my name, ‘There’s no e on the end.’ Why? I mean, does it really matter? Well, actually yes, it does matter to me, just as your name matters to you

Think about this: God knows you by name. Isaiah 43:1:

But now, thus says the LORD; He who created you, o Jacob, He who formed you, o Israel: ‘Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, and you are Mine.’

When God thinks of you, He thinks of you by name. When He looks at you, He sees you and He knows your name. When you’re in trouble (in distress) and you cry out to Him, He knows your name. Jesus put it beautifully in John 10:2-3:

The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep hear his voice; he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.

Imagine, then, how it feels for someone else when you forget their name: When you’ve met them once, and then you see them again, and you just don’t remember their name. That person’s name is one of the single-most precious things they have, just as your name is one of the single-most precious things that you have, and when we remember other people’s names, it so honours them. It speaks to them of the respect that we have for them.

Honestly, I sometimes struggle to remember people’s names. I travel round the world and meet many, many people, so for me, it’s really quite an occupational challenge, but as best I can, I try to remember their names. I enlist help from our local staff to coach me, and to remind me of people’s names.

God remembers us by name. That’s incredible! God Himself knows your name. How does that make you feel? So imagine the power of remembering and using the names of the people you meet. What a life skill! And imagine building on that and treating each person, interacting with each person, building a relationship with each person, based on who they really are.

It’s tempting, you know, to treat everyone the same, as though somehow we are all the same. Let’s face it: By and large, our default position is that everyone sees things the way we do; everyone experiences things the way we do. Of course in theory, we know that’s not true, but in practice, that’s pretty much how we behave.

And when people don’t see things the way we want them to, when they don’t react to things the way we expect them to ... well, we respond with surprise, with annoyance and oftentimes, in anger. Just as everybody has their own unique name, so everyone has their own specific God-given gifts. They tend to see things (just as, in fact, we do) through the lens of those gifts, and through the lens of their experience: The good things they’ve been through, and the bad things as well.

Come on. What makes us imagine for one moment that people all see things the way we do? And why is it that we’re so surprised when they don’t? God’s Word is pretty clear on this. Romans 4:4-6:

For as in one body we have many members, and not all members have the same function, so we who are many are one body in Christ, and individually we are members of one another. We have gifts that differ, according to the grace given to us.

Take a look at any roomful of people: Thirty, forty, a hundred, a thousand, and what you’ll notice is that other than the odd pair of identical twins, everybody looks different; different hair-colours, styles, eye-colour, complexion, the way they dress, the way they talk, and even the identical twins when you get to know them are often quite different.

So imagine ... I mean just imagine ... if we started working, living, interacting with people, building relationships with people, on the basis that everyone’s actually different, rather than everyone being the same; on the basis of getting to know them – their likes and their dislikes; their strengths and their weaknesses, even in just the little things. Some people don’t like to be rushed, so don’t rush them. Some people like to be punctual, so when you’re catching up with them, be on-time.

Imagine if you took the time to figure out what makes people tick: Your wife, your husband, your children, your brothers, your sisters, your work-colleagues. Imagine how differently you’d be able to interact with them if you knew just these two things about them: The one thing that annoys them most, and the one thing that they find the most pleasing. Do you think that would improve your relationships? Do you think it’d bring more peace and joy to your life? It’s not rocket science. God made everyone to be different, and it’s time to start treating them that way.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

God is a God who rewards the good in us. It’s a really simple fact. Like any good father, He wants to see His children live a good life. I know that’s what I want for my children. Yeah, I want to see them succeed in their chosen profession, but more than that, I want them to be good people: People with good morals; honest; decent; hardworking; loving; caring for others. And like any father, when they were growing up, I tried to teach them those things. It didn’t always go that well.

Kids being kids, they didn’t always get things right and as you well know, as teenagers, they often pushed the boundaries as teenagers do. And as an imperfect father, I didn’t always get things right either, just quietly. But what was in my heart for them was to bring them up to be good people, and the best way as a parent to do that was to reward the good behaviour in them; to teach them that good behaviour, unselfish behaviour, honest and decent behaviour, has its rewards. I think that approach is pretty common to all fathers, even if (as I’ve said) we don’t always get it right, and in fact, that’s exactly the approach God takes with us. Galatians 6:9:

So let us not grow weary in doing what is right, for we will reap at harvest-time if we don’t give up.

So what God’s saying to us here is, yes, sometimes the going does get tough, but hang in there. Keep on doing good because one day, at harvest-time, you’re going to reap the reward that He has ready and waiting for you. God blesses and rewards the good in us. That’s why Jesus said (John 12:26):

Whoever serves Me, the Father will honour.

In a world in which people more and more are preferring fifty shades of grey to simple black-and-white, you know, I think that’s not such a bad model. It’s so easy to take the good in people for granted when all along, the good in other people is really a blessing from God that could and should be rewarded in a way that encourages more good in this world.

Just think for a moment how powerful-an agent of change the rewarding of good would be in your life, through your life. Think of the missional impact that the rewarding of good could have through you, as you implement God’s approach – God’s model of reward, and the rewards don’t have to be all that big: A simple, "Thank you. I so appreciate what you did," will often suffice. So who in your life is doing good? Who could you reward today to encourage them to do more good? Because that’s the model that God has ordained.

Of course, not everyone is good all the time. Sometimes people are downright evil. The question is, so then what? By and large, the simplest thing to do when someone is doing something wrong, something that we know is bad, something that quite clearly is going to have terrible consequences, is ... well, just to ignore it.

My wife and I were recently at a café having a quiet cup of coffee or at least, we were trying to. At the next table was a young mother on her mobile phone, chatting away. Opposite her was her one-year-old with a cup in his hand, banging it hard and loud on the table. Now back in my day, I would have taken that cup off him, and taught him that that was the wrong thing to do, even though it probably would have resulted in a tantrum. They have to learn, right? And the sooner the better because one day, that one-year-old is going to be a teenager and then, watch out! But not this mum. No, she simply ignored the child’s bad behaviour and apparently oblivious to it, just kept on talking on her mobile phone. How that cup didn’t smash in his hand I’ll never know.

This ignoring of bad behaviour thing starts quite early-on, and because dealing with bad behaviour takes energy – because it’ll probably cause conflict along the way, we’ve all become quite adept at turning the blind eye; at ignoring it, hoping it’ll go away, but that’s generally not what happens. When we ignore bad behaviour, whether it’s in a one-year-old at the café or in a work-colleague who’s bullying someone, it almost always gets worse, so what’s the answer? What do you do? How do you deal with that bad behaviour? Galatians 6:1:

My friends, if anyone is detected in a transgression, you who have received the Spirit should restore such a one in the spirit of gentleness. Take care that you yourselves are not tempted.

In other words, God’s calling us to deal with it. God’s calling us, albeit in a spirit of gentleness, to confront the bad behaviour with the aim not of exacting revenge, but of restoring the person who’s doing bad; with the aim of bringing them back to good behaviour.

Now that bit about doing it in the spirit of gentleness is really important. If that young mother had put the phone down and screamed at the child in frustration ... well, that probably wouldn’t have been the right approach, any more than you or I responding angrily (with revenge in our hearts) to someone who’s doing us wrong.

Take care that you yourself are not tempted into that, but when we do it in love, when we do it with gentleness, when we point out the mistake quietly and offer a better alternative to the person who’s behaving badly, something surprising happens. God shows up. God honours that, and more often than we might expect, that person who’s been behaving badly is restored to good.

But that doesn’t always work, so then what? People behaving badly in this world is simply a fact of life. We can try and do the right thing; we can try and talk about it to them gently, quietly, privately, to restore them to good behaviour, but let’s be honest: It doesn’t always work. It should; we wish it did, but it doesn’t always work, so then, what do you ordinarily do in that situation?

Let’s say you tried once or twice to help someone deal with their bad behaviour, but they haven’t responded well. What happens next? Well, most of us, we just give up. ‘Well, you know, I tried, but he’s a hopeless case. He’s never going to change.’ Sound familiar? Sure it does. We just write them off and move on, leaving the bad behaviour to fester and harm not just them, but everybody around them. I’m not so sure that’s the best approach. What do you think? Have a listen to the apostle Paul’s advice to his young ministry protégé, Timothy. 2 Timothy 4:1B-2:

I solemnly urge you, proclaim the message. Be persistent, whether the time is favourable or unfavourable. Convince, rebuke, and encourage with the utmost patience in teaching.

In a nutshell, the older, more experienced Paul is saying to young Tim here, ‘Don’t give up. Keep telling people about Jesus – the good news, the fantastic news about Jesus, whether the conditions are favourable or unfavourable.’ Does that mean shoving religion down someone’s throat? I don’t think so, but what it does mean is not giving up on them.

I have a very good friend who knows that some of the things that he’s doing are wrong. The lifestyle that he’s chosen for himself is just wrong, plain and simple. Now I care deeply for him, and so on the odd occasion, I’ve shared with him the good news of Jesus and by the way, deep in his heart, I know he believes, but his lifestyle is pulling him away from the Lord. He can’t have his cake and eat it too, as the saying goes.

As much as I care for him though, the one thing that I will not do – the one thing that I will never do – is endorse his bad choices; tell him that it’s all ok, because whether the time is favourable or not, my heart is to convince and rebuke and encourage him with as much patience as I can muster, and of course to pray for him, because there’s such incredible power in prayer. James 5:16b:

The prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective.

People are going to behave badly, but don’t give up on them. Perhaps God’s put you in their lives for a time such as this to be the one through whom His love, His grace, His mercy, flows into their lives. Don’t give up.

Have an Open Heart

Can I ask you today just to picture the face of the person who’s causing you the most grief, the most pain, the most problems in your life right at the moment? Ok. Do you have their image in front of your eyes? So now let me ask you: Yesterday, how did you respond to that person, in your heart, in your mind? What thoughts have been running through your head about them? What scenarios? What responses? What reactions have been playing themselves out over and over again in your head, and in your heart? How do you feel about that person right now?

I’m guessing that there are a few answers there that you’re probably not all that comfortable with. Perhaps those questions have taken you to a place where you’d rather not be because when people sin against us, we harden our hearts towards them and close off our lives, so (and here’s my final question for you today) how did Jesus react to exactly those same people? Matthew 9:9-10:

As Jesus was walking along, He saw a man called Matthew sitting at the tax booth, and He said to him, ‘Follow Me.’ Then he got up and followed Him. And as He sat at dinner in the house, many tax collectors and sinners came, and with sitting with Him and His disciples.

Tax collectors were the scum of the earth back in those days. They were fellow-Jews who’d colluded with Roman authorities to exhort exorbitant tolls from people who passed by their tax collection booth on the road. So not only did they collude with the enemy who occupied and oppressed their land, they lined their own pockets at the very same time. No wonder they were hated and despised!

But Jesus, instead of shunning them, invited one of them to become one of His disciples and then ... Then He went and had dinner with a bunch of these sinners, with the very same people who were hated and shunned by good, God-fearing Jews. Read on, and you discover He copped quite a bit of criticism for that, but His take on it was that it was exactly the people like them that He’d come to this earth to save, and let me be blunt here: If you believe in Jesus, if you claim to follow Him, it’s exactly for people like these that God has put you on this earth: To share the love of Christ with them so that perhaps, some of them will be saved.

So back to that one person I had you picturing a moment ago: Your most difficult person, your tax collector if you will. It’s that person to whom Jesus has sent you. Be open. Be engaging. Show them the love that Christ has shown you, and the easiest way to get started in doing that is to look for the good in them. When someone’s treating you badly, and you want to write them off because they’re just too much trouble, and they’re more than you can cope with right now, I want to encourage you to do something radical. Are you ready?

Try looking for the good in them because let me tell you, no matter how badly someone’s behaving, deep-down, there’s always some good in them. That’s exactly what Jesus did when He went to dine with the sinners and the tax collectors at Matthew’s house. Matthew 9:11-13:

When the Pharisees saw this, they said to His disciples, ‘Why does your teacher eat with the tax collectors and the sinners?' But when Jesus heard this, He said, ‘Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what it means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice, for I have come to call not the righteous, but the sinners.’

Where others saw only sin, Jesus saw something worth redeeming. Jesus knew that if only these sinners, these social rejects, could experience the love of God first-hand, then the good in them would come to the surface. So often, the people who behave badly do so because they’ve never experienced unconditional love in their lives. No one’s ever stepped into their lives looking for the good in them, and helped them to rediscover that good that they thought had been lost for ever.

I’m here with you today because when I was one of those bad people, some of those who call themselves Christians stepped into my life, as Jesus did in the lives of these tax collectors and sinners, and they believed somewhere deep-down inside me, hidden though it may have been to their sight, that there was some good in me worth redeeming. All too often, we approach people like those tax collectors and those sinners with the attitude of, ‘Well, what’s in it for me? How will they treat me? What will I experience? Will they hurt me again? What will other people say about me?’ It’s always with this me, me, me thing. Have you noticed? And yet Jesus had no thought whatsoever about what was in it for Him.

The religious leaders, the religious powerbrokers of the day, the ultra-conservative, legalistic, rule-based Pharisees, they criticised Him. ‘Why does He mix with all those undesirables?’

"Because I came to heal the sick," said Jesus. "Because I came for them; because these sinners are made in the very image of God, and I’m here to show them mercy."

We can go to church; we can sing the songs; we can hear the sermons; we can pat ourselves on the back, but let me tell you, unless and until we look for the good in the sinner, we’re just kidding ourselves.