Episode 26: Special Edition on Loneliness with Mark, Gordon, Liam and Nick

Elim MPower

In a special and extended edition of the podcast, we feature four of Elim’s MPower team: Mark Lyndon-Jones, Gordon Allan, Liam Husband and Nick Whittome.

We have gathered some of the team to speak especially via the podcast into a big issue affecting men’s lives: loneliness.

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Mark explains that men can find it hard to build and maintain friendships and avoid isolation – and the recent pandemic has undoubtedly made this worse.

Isolation is a real threat to men: King David slipped morally with Bathsheba once he was isolated. And despite the availability of social media and messaging, men don’t always connect in a way that is healthy. Mark reported that the suicide rate in England and Wales in 2019 was the highest for 20 years, with 3 of 4 of these being men. The highest risk age group for suicide is men aged 45-49.

The MPower team believes it is absolutely crucial to speak into this issue to offer men a way forward, and to remind men that God loves them and that he has a plan for their lives.

Mark shares a couple of stories of how isolation has been playing out for a couple of the men in his network.

Liam shares the story of a man connected with a former church who had been in and out of prison. He was very difficult to connect with, no matter what was done for him – and very sadly he took his own life on Boxing Day. Liam said that he and the guys from that church responded to the tragedy by being so much more intentional about connecting, because even though we might be surrounded by people, we may still have few meaningful connections.

Gordon identifies a whole range of reasons why different men might feel isolated or lonely, but he also reminds us that under God, we are never truly alone, because we belong to Him as our heavenly Father.

Spending time in the bible and spending time in prayer helps us to remember that God is always with us and for us. Church is a family and a connected body, and Jesus promises us that he will not leave us orphans and that we will receive the Holy Spirit, as sons of God.

Gordon also reminds us that Jesus himself experienced loneliness in the wilderness, in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross.

Nick reminds us too that the Bible offers us powerful rescripting to counter the negative messages we may have received from all sorts of sources which might be driving us towards isolation through falsehoods we might be wrongly believing. He reminds us that Jesus calls us his friends.

To counter loneliness in practical ways, Mark suggests that as the pandemic begins to lift we should now start connecting with friends – and sometimes it’s good to make it about them even if it us who is feeling lonely. Perhaps have a coffee and take a walk, or maybe play some sport – just connect.

Gordon suggests we ask God to reveal us the truth about us from the bible, and get our ourselves to church and get involved! We need to get a passion, and get a project. Once men are working on something jointly they will open up. We need to check around us to see who needs our help, and to count our blessings.

Liam rightly points out that the biggest challenge is reaching out in the first place, and admit that vulnerability to ourselves. Being involved and helping at church is such a great help for blokes struggling with loneliness. Community sheds are also a great way for guys to connect – Google ‘community shed’.

Before closing this important episode in prayer, Mark encourages us all to keep inviting those guys in our networks who might be on the fringes of church or who don’t know Jesus. He also recommends that we listen to an audio reading of the bible via YouVersion.