I Left the Catholic Church (Online Radicalization, The Latin Mass, and Finding Meaning Without God)

Intrinsically Ordered

In this episode, I share my raw and personal journey through Catholicism—from being raised in a suburban Catholic family to becoming an intense religious fundamentalist who nearly entered a monastery. I explain what it was like to give every waking moment to prayer, theology, and the dream of becoming a monk, only to have my life upended when I was rejected for being gay.
What followed was a painful process of leaving not just Catholicism, but religion itself. I open up about the collapse of my community, meaning, and identity—and how I rebuilt my life through running ultramarathons, reconnecting with purpose, and creating content to help others on their journey.
This isn’t an argument against belief; it’s a memoir of faith, loss, discovery, and resilience. Whether you’re religious, questioning, or completely secular, I hope my story resonates with you.
00:00 My Religious Beginnings
02:37 Religious Awakening
05:29 Deepening Faith
11:42 Embracing Fundamentalism and the Latin Mass
15:36 COVID Lockdowns and Monastic Aspirations
19:18 Rejection and College Life
22:04 Life Decisions
30:16 Questioning Catholic Teachings
32:46 Departing Catholicism
35:08 Struggles with Identity
38:07 Finding New Meaning
41:40 Embracing a New Life
46:55 Reflections on Religion and Personal Growth
53:19 Living Authentically

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