Turning 40 and Brainwashing Yourself into Positive Thinking

Forty Drinks

Jem Fuller led a colorful, nomadic life for much of his 20s and 30s until it was time to grow up, settle down, and get a job so he could take care of his family. But the longer he was in corporate life and the higher he climbed on the ladder, the further he moved away from his core values, which led him to a pretty classic midlife crisis. The midlife crisis, however, led him to uncover some long-held subconscious beliefs that were holding him back. This is the story of how he got there, got through it and built the life that suits him perfectly.

Guest Bio

Jem Fuller has lived a colourful, global life. From barefoot backpacker to corporate leader, fire-dancer and traditional tattooist, a kindergarten teacher to motorcycle courier, masseuse and reflexology to labourer and travel consultant. Now his time is as a leadership coach and international retreat leader, dedicated partner and father. He is the author of the award-winning book, The Art of Conscious Communication for Thoughtful Men, and can be seen delivering his TEDx talk on YouTube.

Turning 40 and Brainwashing Yourself into Positive Thinking

Jem Fuller says he had a pretty standard upbringing in a middle-class suburb in Melbourne Australia. In his last year of high school, his closest friend died, which shook Jem. When he finished high school, he wanted to get as far away from everything he knew as possible. He fell in love with travel and felt called to travel to far and wild places and to get off the beaten track. He spent his 20s and early 30s either traveling to strange and wonderful places or working somewhere to earn enough money to keep traveling.

When he fell in love with his wife, he told her he wasn’t done traveling. They ended up having a two and a half year working honeymoon before they moved back to Australia, settled down, had kids and tried to find a way to support a family. He was in his early 30s and he had no career, no qualifications other than traveling the world “bumming around.”

Because of all his travel experience, he got a job with a travel company and learned how to be a travel consultant. He put on a suit and tie every day, despite having always been much more alternative (even anti establishment at some points). But he took to it and spent the next 8 years climbing the corporate ladder and ending up in a senior leadership position at the company.

As he was driven to chase the revenue growth that all corporate leaders face, he found himself pushed further and further away from his core values and becoming increasingly unhappy. From an Instagram feed level, everything looked great. He had a beautiful wife, two healthy boys and a newly built house down by the beach. The tension between the internal Jem and external Jem ultimately led to a midlife crisis.

His marriage had been secretly unhappy and was falling apart. Then, he lost his corporate job, which included the paycheck he needed for the house they had just built on the beach. That meant he couldn’t afford the house, so he lost that, too. In the separation, he told his wife he didn’t want to fight over stuff so he said she could have it all. After they sold the house, there was debt, which he took because he didn’t want his wife to be burdened with it. The only thing he asked for was to go 50/50 with the kids.

Shortly before he lost his corporate job, there was a leadership retreat with an external coach. Jem was blown away. He thought the coach was more like a magician. Within half a day he had profiled the entire leadership team and understood what made them tick. Jem knew this was something he wanted to do, but thought he’d do it in a year or two, once the beach house was built and things were more stable. But life had different ideas. Two months later he was out of a job and the dominoes of his life were falling.

While friends and family were encouraging him to get another corporate job, Jem knew the Universe was giving him a sign that the path he was on wasn’t the right one. So he invested in studying coaching and getting his coaching practice underway. He knew he had to back himself.

Jem reframed his midlife crisis as a midlife awakening or midlife opportunity. It was then that he became aware of the subconscious beliefs that were limiting him. Jem realized that, throughout life, if he was becoming successful at something, he would sabotage it because - deep down - he believed he didn’t deserve it. He says our perception of the world is “flavored” by our beliefs and, if something is out of alignment with our beliefs, we will distort whatever we need to to come into alignment with those unconscious beliefs. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The good news, Jem says, is that we can flip the script and consciously “brainwash” ourselves to create new beliefs that are more aligned with who we are and what we want out of life. The really fun part comes when you start to believe those new beliefs because your mind will distort reality just as much as it did previously to match your new beliefs. Now, you’ll start to see opportunities where you hadn’t seen them before. The evidence will align as much with the new beliefs of success and happiness and “enoughness” as it did to prove the old, limiting beliefs.

Jem says life has gotten easier thanks to a whole host of habitual practices that have become daily for him including meditation, affirmation, perspective, introspection, contemplation, cold showers, exercise, moderation. No one thing makes everything easier. There is no silver bullet. But many, little 1% healthy habits, taken together, add up.

All of our suffering comes from our thinking and thinking about things in the past or future.If you can stay in the present moment, most of the time things are ok in the moment, which can bring some peace and respite from anxiety or suffering. Often, Jem says, suffering comes from the gap between our expectations and our reality.

Sponsor

The Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications

Connect with Jem on Instagram

Connect with Jem on Facebook

Do you have the Ick?

Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from the Ick. www.fortydrinks.com/ick

Listen, Rate & Subscribe

Apple Podcasts

Spotify

Google Podcasts