SEASON 1, EPISODE 60: DUCK UPPERS, DILLY BARS & THE BIG DAMN DUMMY IN THE SKY

The Hate Napkin

Most folks buy a house on a pond, kick back on the porch, and throw back a hard lemonade or two. But for co-host Arik, the high life only seems to serve as a launchpad for a midlife crisis of epic proportions. He can’t wait to take on bully birds, Big Telecom, plus the Dude Behind the Curtain. No, not George Soros.

We mean The Big Kahuna with lightning bolts who sits idly by as all Creation, from humanity to ducks, unleashes untold cruelty upon one another. It’s enough to send the rest of Team THN scrambling for emergency Dilly Bars. As sound engineer Pauly from Bali puts it: “Has anyone seen my roll of duct tape?” T-Mobile is the first Goliath to fall. Who could stand to work in a place more than five minutes that’s lit up bright pink like a porn star vajayjay?

Special guest Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, has mixed feelings: “I don’t know, place should be brown-lit, considering how many turd employees I’ve had to deal with in there over time.” Meanwhile, Pauly can’t stand employers who demonstrate a lack of trust even before they hire you. By the way, what’s wrong with asking a prospective employee for references?

Excuse me, can I get a letter of recommendation from Bob in Accounting with some details about your sick leave policy? Plus, Carla can’t stand it when people email or text with a demand for an immediate answer, then ignore you when you do. (Kind of reminds Arik of a starving village praying for a drought to end. “Are you there, God? It’s me, Africa!”)

THN PSA: “The Universe is going to fail you constantly. The vast majority of people are also going to fail you constantly. So if you happen to have a lifeline in this tenuous existence: DO. NOT. TAKE. IT. FOR. GRANTED.”

Happy, happy, joy, joy! See you next Tuesday! Leave a voicemail of something you hate: https://anchor.fm/thehatenapkin/message

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