S3 Ep5 Sexless

The Holy F*ck Podcast

1:42. Fear of Commitment- (cue the scary music) Duh, duh, duh!

Fear is around change by myself or with someone else. “Normal” way of dealing is only one of two things. Stay the course or cut and run. But are commitments much more than that? Could they be fixed and/or fluid? What happens when one partner becomes debilitated, illness, or incapacitated?

As Spiritual Psychologists, the Two Gals are always asking what the lesson is.

Our caller is feeling like he’s stuck between two choices- stay or go. So, he’s staying and sacrificing.

Shame. Guilt.

What happens if needs aren’t being met and you seek solace outside of the relationship? Tormenting to endure something like this. What happens when there’s still so much love?

Horrible experience with the illness and then put oneself into horrible experience too.

5:42. Yes/No. Good/Bad. Stay/Go. Hard to justify leaving.

Partnership invites you to look at the situation differently. Creates many grey areas. What else could happen? Fear of abandonment, hurting someone,

6.24. Partnership is the key word. Care about someone else’s happiness as much as your own.

Long term relationships can be tough to move into partnership. Partnership requires involvement.

7.19 Cute part? INteresting? Partnership with self is your responsibility first and foremost before partnership with anyone else. We get caught up here. When love is in the picture, there’s a certain level of sacrifice. But does there have to be? Health & vitality diminishes. Can make you feel like a horrible person because you want to get out of this situation. Completely goes against societal norms.

9.43 Is making the sacrifice a service to the other person? Or is it a disservice. You can end up being depleted and not having anything left for anyone. Death of love. Not always an immediate consequence but can happen slowly over time.

11.12- Life changes. Things happen. What are the solutions? Short term or Long term?

Get clear on what each of you need. Alison Armstrong- we decide together what the solution is. Equanimity. No sacrifice on either side. Has to be balanced in order for the partnership to thrive.

Sacrifice because we love the Other but when we stop sacrificing we can stay in our loving and hold the container of partnership longer.

14.22 Self-sacrifice = depletion & resentment.

15.01- what happens when one says, “I can’t do this anymore. You can’t give me what I need and I can’t give you what you need.”

Soup slamming…

16.13 Fly away! Fill your needs. Let go of the ego worry of abandonment.

Beauty of partnership, don’t have to let go of the loving.

16.54- Desire for partnership. We thrive on connection as humans. If you continually pass up the opportunity for connection, how does that serve anyone?

17.26- Katherine gives him the low down- at a loss for words. That’s a first!

Remind him it doesn’t equal healthy living. Maybe she “stays sick” because it keeps the system in place. Not in a way that’s faking the illness but a need is getting met. That the caretaking needs to happen with Self first. Allow him to feel into fear. Conversation and transparency within the partnership will elevate the situation. What if change didn’t have to look like abandonment?

Resentment is a form of abandonment because you’ve pulled back your loving.

20.58 Partnership is about each person thriving, not about staying together.

Compassion. Kindness. Creativity come back into play.

Be curious to what solutions exist when you get out of this or that thinking.

Love comes back in!

Openness to new ideas.

What happens in the Poconos, stays in the Poconos!

23.37- requires full expression of love from one to the other to invite her into the conversation. Be open to novel solutions. Only work if both partners feel safe.

Something’s wrong. I need something different. This is what it is. Can we be creative?

Freak Out! I’m so (not) excited! Freedom!

25.06 Mr. Right Here Right Now- not a stay or go situation but still don’t know what the final solution will be. Stepping into what makes each other happy. My healing work continues and my heart stays really big. Can we just relax and let it unfold?

27.33 Ongoing with breath, heart, soul, and mind. An invitation to your partner to love you.

Regular relationships come from our instinctual need to be around people. But this doesn’t fit any mold. Need to surpass our instinct. Need to be highly vulnerable, present, intimate, and ask for what we need.

Spirituality that allows each human to be holy, whole, and sacred.

29.17 Override response and sit in my loving when flight/fight gets triggered. (Krista)

Easier to get angry, runaway, and bail. When I get quiet enough to hear him, I feel resonant.

I love you. I care about you. You’re important to me. AND there’s something I’m not getting.

Can you have the conversation and maintain through all the feels and still be there?

Both men and women.

33.00 Impossible to hold through someone’s upset when you’re upset.

Cultivate this through consistent meditation, breathwork, calming CNS, regular walks, taking care of you. If we really want a diff outcome, a great place to start is to visualize a different outcome.

Is Divorce really the only option? Lives get trashed. Is it necessary just because someone has another desire?

35.25 Partnership model isn’t “I need multiple partners, you say I need more excitement.” When we choose partnership, we remain open.

Partnership allows for change. A Relationship shuts it down. When you find yourself in relationship, how do we shift the narrative? In a gentle way. Change is the only constant.

Something can be presented in a way you never thought of before. Let go of the mental to tap into the spiritual. Rest your brain, use your mind. Visualize that you want peace, serenity, kindness, and love. Open the heart and let creative solutions flow through.

Happy & Free to be themselves.

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