Episode 89: He Started from the Ground up and the Unworthiness Cycle kept Repeating Itself
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Anthony dives right in to share how what he experienced from childhood to adulthood greatly influenced his present-day life. It began at the tender young age of six and carried forward until adulthood with multiple and continuous experiences of how he was impacted and influenced in his achievements and failures. When he arrived in Canada, he provided details of how he felt he had to start from the ground up again. After he retired, he developed an illness that kept him wheelchair bound, he later endured a wheelchair accident, where he was struck by a motorist while Anthony was taking his dog for a walk, which has limited his accessibility. Given that he was born at a time and place where poverty was rampant, social stratification and feeling at the bottom, themes that consistently showed up for him were about continuously having to restart, not fitting in, and keeping himself small. He took time to describe how he felt like a burden at times and full of inadequacy, and even though he believes he has healed a great deal of the trauma, Anthony constantly feels that he relives the trauma from his past. He explained his desperate attempts to prove himself and contend with the feelings of unworthiness and the on-going struggles, so he really felt the need to work extra hard to be accepted. This led him to have on-going battles with self-doubt, having bouts of depression, intense worrying and rivaling with imposter syndrome. His key message to the listeners is that: we are all broken in some way, whether you are missing something, shifting from something, or feeling incomplete in some way and yet each person is resilient and can overcome struggles; it takes time and effort; you have the right to be happy, it’s in your reach; it’s your right to seek happiness and accept nothing less; it’s not over until it’s over.
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