085: Getting over the Emotional Side of Rejection

Passion Design Project

When was the last time you were rejected? Maybe it was today or yesterday, or maybe a year ago and you're still upset and mad about it. Whenever it was, I surely can relate and am guessing most listeners can. I hate rejection. I really do. It's annoying, hurtful, makes me feel like I wasted time, is depressing, can crush a good day, must I go on.... Sometimes I look at people online and think, "Wow, must be nice to get everything so easily!" But is that really the truth? I've experienced an extra lot of rejection lately. Mainly because I'm reaching out to a lot of people from scratch about creating murals, not knowing if they need or want one or not. At first, I thought this process was really fun. The possibility of hitting a client who wanted my services was an exciting thought and I decided people would easily say yes. Much to my dismay, getting a yes from people isn't as simple as I thought and as the no's began coming in, it really sucked. To think logically about this, which is what I usually do, it makes sense. If people are approached about something they don't really need, they might show a touch of interest if it's cool enough, but ultimately don't have a good enough reason to say yes. (Which would be where good marketing could possibly be useful which is a topic for another time). But in addition to logical thinking, emotions are bound to come up, too. I'm pretty sure no one likes to get rejected, and mainly because it kind of makes you feel like a loser, or that you aren't good enough. I remember hearing in a coaching course, about a year ago, that the rate you can expect people to buy from you from your mailing list is about 3%. THREE! That means you are getting a 97% rejection rate. Ouch. Of course, the bad thing to do would be to look at it that way and think about 97 people rejecting you vs. 3 people saying yes, and unfortunately, that's what we usually do, isn't it? So how do we turn this around? How do we get past or overlook rejections (that are bound to happen) and move on to better fits? There are a couple key moments in a rejection to look at. First, are you separating work from self? If your rejection is work related and you have decided that it is against you as a person, you're already starting off in a bad place. These types of rejections are totally different and cannot be grouped together. So separate your feelings of self with your work and start from there. To get you kickstarted doing this, pretend someone else made the mistake and you are learning from their mistake. That should help take some initial self-imposed emotions out. Then, you absolutely must remember no one is perfect and no successful person is perfect either. Remind yourself that you are bound to make mistakes, go about things wrong, do things others don't like, and then, if rejected, come through on the other side with something better. Second, think about what the rejection is teaching you. Maybe you actually aren't perfect! No....that couldn't be right. But maybe you can learn from this rejection to see what you can do better next time and actually improve and take a better approach. With each rejection email I receive, I like to find a theme of what people are saying and take measures to figure out a better way to approach that for next time. Third, find a trusted friend that you can talk with who will instill confidence in you. In a talk in town the other night, mentors were talking about what they found most valuable back when they were mentees. A common theme was that the mentor fostered confidence in them at the times when they didn't believe in themselves or weren't thinking big enough. I know from experience that having people around you that will speak life into you when you're feeling defeated can be a real game changer and give you the strength to move forward! And Fourth, try again. In "Think and Grow Rich," the author talks about how persistence is often the most telling sign to a successfu...