2005-07 How to combat denial [interview]

Alice Miller Audio [English]

Interview given by Alice Miller to Borut Petrovic Jesenovec Questions: Among thousands of other folk tales [Little Red Riding-Hood] stands out as incredibly popular. What does it tell us about our attitude to children in our culture? I am always shocked by the "official" interpretation that the mother of Little Red Riding-Hood is well-intended and caring. She sends her young daughter into a dangerous forest explaining that this is an honourable task (poor grandmother is sick after all). I find this mother cruel, wicked, even perverse. Would you agree? When I wanted to talk about some of the nasty aspects of my childhood, I was turned down and reminded that everything has its good and its bad side and that’s why we should concentrate on the bright side of life and adopt a positive attitude. In such argumentation even abuse has something valuable. How would you react to such relativisation and relativism? How would you define abuse? How many people do you think were abused in their childhood? Human blindness to abuse can be astonishing. Even when confronted with their own obvious abuse, people still believe in the myth of being loved, and keep abusing their children (and children of others). How would you most effectively "open their eyes" to what they are doing? Is this possible at all? People normally prefer to deny that they were abused. Would you interpret eating disorders, obsession with diets, nail biting, "non-offensive social drinking", thinking about suicide, asthma, taking drugs or even the self-destructive "need" for unhealthy junk food or cigarettes as unambiguous proofs of emotional or physical abuse? How can we become friends with our body which demands extremely unpleasant truth? The distinction between feelings (Gefühle) and emotions (Emotionen) is fundamental for understanding the mechanism of denial. Why is it so important to know the difference? A child must repress the experience of abuse in order to survive. How does such a life-enhancing mechanism transform itself into a life-stifling one? Has permissive education similar effects [as authoritarian education (poisonous pedagogy)]? When I had to prepare a short summary of your book, I wrote that you discuss the abuse of gifted children. Then I was reminded that I should avoid the term abuse, because it is too offensive, brutal and revolting. Instead I had to write that you deal with parents’ "non-understanding" and "disregard" of their children. What’s your comment? You wrote: "Traumata stored in the brains but denied by our conscious minds will always be visited on the next generation." Can you describe this mechanism? Is the innocence of the infant bound to be taken away simply because it was born to parents who deny traumata? Why is a child who is alive, genuine and pure, in their eyes unbearable, even sinful, and must by all means be mutilated so he/she would become similar to them? ------------------------------------------------------------------ Read more about this podcast here: http://howihelpmyself.com/alice-miller-audio-english/ Please send your feedback to: [e-mail] I would love to hear from you! If you like the podcast and it improves your life, consider donating: http://howihelpmyself.com/donate/ Please share this podcast with many people! Attribution Text: http://www.alice-miller.com/interviews_en.php?page=5 Picture: https://www.flickr.com/photos/crazymandi/7632203602/in/photostream/