2 Samuel Pt. 6 - Man Kisses Gone Wrong

Bible Stories for Atheists

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לפני שנה 1:08:57

MP3•בית הפרקים

Fresh off overthrowing his son fresh off overthrowing him, David deals with a dick dividing his domain to dogshit.
- Sheba gets the northern kingdom to split from David, but of course that doesn't last long.
- David incredibly has a need to kill even more descendants of Saul.
- MOAR GIANTS!!1!
- And some politically charged poetry
Hearts and kisses, my dear. Hearts. And kisses.

Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists

פרקים

1. Intro (00:00:00)

2. Sunday Bloody Sunday (00:05:13)

3. A Giant Waste of Life (00:29:57)

4. Math is Hard (00:44:23)

5. Outro (01:05:50)

96 פרקים

#Society #Comedy #Philosophy #Bible Stories For Atheists #Bible #Atheist #Religion #God #Jesus #Josh #Linz #Gospel #Christ #Christianity

Bible Stories for Atheists

2 Samuel Pt. 6 - Man Kisses Gone Wrong

Bible Stories for Atheists

0-10 subscribers

published לפני שנה

שתפו

MP3•בית הפרקים

Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists

פרקים

1. Intro (00:00:00)

2. Sunday Bloody Sunday (00:05:13)

3. A Giant Waste of Life (00:29:57)

4. Math is Hard (00:44:23)

5. Outro (01:05:50)

96 פרקים

#Society #Comedy #Philosophy #Bible Stories For Atheists #Bible #Atheist #Religion #God #Jesus #Josh #Linz #Gospel #Christ #Christianity

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Hey folks! For our episode today we're changing things up. We're going to be switching to a more "seasonal" model. The plan is we'll get a few episodes lined up around a theme and put them out weekly. So that's the plan, but you should still listen to the episode because we're really funny when we explain it. Like funnier than I was when I just explained it, which wasn't really funny at all. Also, we got a great message from a listener named Patience! "You're beautiful." - James Blunt Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists…

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This is a special episode with two special guests. Ministers Bendr Bones and Luis Cypher, co-heads of the Satanic Temple - West Michigan. Recently, they made news by having the AUDACITY to deliver the opening invocation at an Ottawa County board meeting. And when the Ottawa County board were forced to allow the invocation local Christians lost their damn minds. Invocation Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7kkBj0mnVM Overflow Room Video: https://twitter.com/leftofcentermi/status/1782911971936870781 https://thesatanictemple.com/ https://www.facebook.com/WestMichiganTST/ https://twitter.com/SatanicMichigan Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists…

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We read a selection of Psalms suggested by AI to figure out if this ancient book of songs holds up to the hype. It doesn't. Despite Josh's warnings that we might find the material repetitive and dull, we plunge ahead with open minds, only to discover that the Psalms are boring as Pshit. I don't have anything more to say about it. Why don't YOU have something to say about it?! Huh!? Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists…

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Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists

Bible Stories for Atheists

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David FINALLY kicks the bucket, but before he does, the good, upright King David, who loved and obeyed God unlike any other king, gives his son a kill list. And boy does Solomon tick off those boxes with gusto. It's a bloody start to the peaceful reign of Solomon. Solomon who had to be the one to build the temple because of all the bloodshed by his father. Weird... God grants Solomon a wish and Solomon asks for wisdom and immediately regrets not wishing for more wishes. Solomon is then so wise that he starts handling parental custody disputes. But is he actually wise or is he insane? "Jesus is a biscuit. Let him sop you up." - Latrice Royale Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists…

Bible Stories for Atheists

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Bible Stories for Atheists

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1 Kings Pt. 1 - Bosom Buddies 1:18:12

לפני 1 year1:18:12

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We kick off 1 Kings by only talking about the first chapter. We've heard the Chronicles' version of Solomon becoming king but now we'll learn the King's version which is very different. The Succession drama is real as David gets sickly and curls up with a pretty young virgin. His oldest son for some reason thinks he's going to be the next king and tries to gather support by throwing a feast. Meanwhile, Solomon's mom convinces David to make Solomon king. And we hear from some Christian pastors on what these ancient government documents mean to your personal life choices today. Hope you enjoyed your VD! Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists…

Bible Stories for Atheists

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2 Samuel Pt. 8 - Numbers and How to Count Them 1:09:00

לפני 1 year1:09:00

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Oh boy! Is this a great episode if you love vague quantities of precious metals and stones. And the names! Oh the names of it all! We're blowing through the ingredients for a temple and plowing right into Solomon skipping the line to be king and David dying. All completely without incident. At least according to the book of Chronicles. Oh yeah! And the bible talks about aliens! We're pretty sure an ET cult has to exist because of this verse. Sorry, I feel like I just keep talking about me. How are you doing? Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists…

Bible Stories for Atheists

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2 Samuel Pt. 7 - Error 404: God Not Found 1:08:17

לפני 1 year1:08:17

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We dig elbow deep into a steaming pile of contradictions, curiosities, and constipated commentary. The unerring bible seems to glitch out on us. The all knowing, all powerful author had an apparent brain fart. 2 Samuel 24 and 1 Chronicles 21 tell the same story but with some pretty significant differences. Like for example, if the bible is in fact perfect, we are left with the only obvious conclusion that God and Satan are the same person. I mean, we never do see them in the same place at the same time. And if God just took off His glasses He sure would look a lot like Satan. Also, He would be beautiful and Zack would definitely win the bet with his friends when he takes God to prom. And we get into the stuff Christian authorities make up to explain it away. So that's a hoot. Anyone else notice how Xmas just comes way too early in the winter? It's supposed to be the high point but lately it's before we even get our first snow (thanks global warming!). And then it's over and we get dumped on and there's nothing to look forward to for like 3 months! I say we move Xmas to March. So when you're freezing your Marys' and Josephs' off through January and February you have Xmas in March to look forward to. God's perfect plan, my ass! Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists…

Bible Stories for Atheists

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2 Samuel Pt. 6 - Man Kisses Gone Wrong 1:08:57

לפני 1 year1:08:57

1:08:57

Fresh off overthrowing his son fresh off overthrowing him, David deals with a dick dividing his domain to dogshit. - Sheba gets the northern kingdom to split from David, but of course that doesn't last long. - David incredibly has a need to kill even more descendants of Saul. - MOAR GIANTS!!1! - And some politically charged poetry Hearts and kisses, my dear. Hearts. And kisses. Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists…

Bible Stories for Atheists

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The Case for Christ Review, Or: I Don't Need Your Help, But Thanks 1:10:55

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Happy holidays all you war on CHRISTmas warriors! We're kicking back and watching that time honored 2017 classic Christmas movie, The Case for Christ. Based on the book of the same name, this follows former "journalist" Lee Strobel as he proves that the path to Christianity is paved with stupid questions. Oh yes, it makes complete sense when you set out on a quest to disprove Christianity to only focus on one part of the claim. Ignore the Old Testament. Ignore the inconsistent theology. Yes. That's how good of a reporter he is. Anyway, my mom, Jill, joins us and we had a lot of fun recording this. Hope you all are doing well and having a good time over the holidays! Yo Saturnalia! Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists…

Bible Stories for Atheists

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(Re-Release) Holy Sheet 1:43:10

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We continue our series on Acts starting with a story about a Sorcerer named Simon. A guy named Philip meets an unnamed Ethiopian eunuch who is really into a prophesy that Philip completely gets wrong. Also it turns out Christians can teleport. We have a real Saul on the road to Damascus moment, when we talk about Saul on the road to Damascus. We talk about the most important woman to never get any attention in bible. And Herod dies at the end in a really crazy way. Sorry, just kinda throwing this summary together this week. Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists…

Bible Stories for Atheists

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(Re-Release) Goodness Gracious Great Tongues of Fire! 1:28:02

לפני 2 years1:28:02

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We kick off our series on the book of Acts and start with yet another telling of the ascension of Jesus. Slightly different from Luke but very different from the other gospels. Judas gets replaced. The Holy Spirit comes on everyone at the Pentecost! Lapping up their loins with tongues of fire. And the early church starts getting persecuted simply for yelling at everyone that they killed Jesus. Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists…

Bible Stories for Atheists

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2 Samuel Pt. 5 - TREE-Son 1:15:26

לפני 2 years1:15:26

1:15:26

David's been kicked out of his kingdom by his son and returns to the wilderness. Luckily his son seems to have really bad advisors. We get some crazy propaganda. As always. And the feud between David and his son is resolved. David definitely had nothing to do with it. This is our last episode for about a month and a half and I'm just ready to be done with this episode description. But Happy Thanksgiving! Unless you're Native American, then we're sorry. And Yo Saturnalia! Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists…

Bible Stories for Atheists

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2 Samuel Pt. 4 - Uhhhgghghggghgggghhhhhh 1:21:24

לפני 2 years1:21:24

1:21:24

Ugh uhhh ugh. Ughg ghgggh uggghhh ughg guhg. Ugh ghhhgh ugh God ughg. Ugh ugh ghgugh ugh bible bullshit. Ughg ugh uhghghg ghg ugh. Ugh gugh ugh David. Ugh ugh ghgugh fucked up rich kids. Ughghghg ugh ghughg ugh runs like a wuss. Ugh gghgu ugh gugh incest rape. Ugh ghgh uguhg the speaker of the national house of representatives gets his moral guidance from this book. Ugh. Just fucking ugh. Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists…

Bible Stories for Atheists

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2 Samuel Pt. 3 - Ewe, David! 1:32:56

לפני 2 years1:32:56

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Welp, talk about a roller coaster. We start with David getting God's promise to have a descendant on the throne forever (fingers likely crossed), to adultery, murder and divine infanticide. But dudes in dresses reading children's books, that's the problem? It's the story of Bathsheba. And by the story of Bathsheba, I mean she was present for some events that David was pretty much doing. Finally, we discover, yet again, that the God of the bible has no problem with abortion. Queue up the Leonard Cohen, and sink your ear teeth into our podcast cake. Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists…

Bible Stories for Atheists

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2 Samuel Pt. 2 - ChippenDavids 1:16:42

לפני 2 years1:16:42

1:16:42

Like with all the other enemies of David, things really fall apart for Saul's son, Ishbaal. I won't spoil anything but he dies and David becomes king of the entire land of Israel and Judah. We start really getting into 1 Chronicles and talk about where the book came from and the differences with the books of Samuel and Kings. We find out that David really can't stand the blind and lame. Therefore, he wants his people to attack the Jebusites by climbing up a well. That's the kind of reasoning the bible contains. David gets jiggy wit it big Willie style. Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists…

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