It's a Shame

Busting Addiction and Its Myths

In this article called It's A Shame, we examine the two types of shame, toxic and acquired, and discuss their causes and roles in addictive settings.

We conclude the following:

1. Families who have an active addict in their midst invariably experience shame, and as a consequence, are compelled to keep that fact secret.
2. Secrecy requires great effort to maintain. Lying, denial, and covert behaviour take their toll.
3. Toxic shame can be acquired over time when the family member's self-worth collapses under the weight of trying to fix the unfixable.
4. Many of the crazy things we did (as addicts or as a family) that caused shame are explained by being in the grip of a powerful disorder, but that fact does not excuse anything. We still need to be held accountable.
5. There is great and realistic hope for the regaining of one's self-respect when the suffering family member acknowledges powerlessness over another's addiction and begins her own journey of recovery.