Ep. 9: On Help.

Caspian with a riff on:

Player FM - Internet Radio Done Right

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תוכן מסופק על ידי Caspian Almerud. כל תוכן הפודקאסטים כולל פרקים, גרפיקה ותיאורי פודקאסטים מועלים ומסופקים ישירות על ידי Caspian Almerud או שותף פלטפורמת הפודקאסט שלהם. אם אתה מאמין שמישהו משתמש ביצירה שלך המוגנת בזכויות יוצרים ללא רשותך, אתה יכול לעקוב אחר התהליך המתואר כאן https://he.player.fm/legal.

Silver Linings with The Old Gays

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Our Chosen Family: "The gay community is much bolder today." 33:19

לפני 19 ימים33:19

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לייק

אהבתי

33:19

What’s the secret to lasting friendships? How does queer community show up through the ebbs and flows of life? And what’s the REAL story behind the “YMCA” song? In the first episode of Silver Linings, The Old Gays dive into an essential part of queer life: chosen family. They discuss the vital love, support, and sense of belonging that community provides, especially during life's toughest moments. They open up about what “queer” means to them, how chosen family has impacted their lives, and how to maintain close bonds over time–including their love for each other! “We’ve come a long way, baby.” Family isn’t just what you’re born with; it’s the people who show up, shape you, and stick around. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…

לפני 6 שנים 10:13

M4A•בית הפרקים

I've been actively working with becoming better at both offering and asking for help for the past 4 years. It's been one of the most prominent things for me, and it all started with one single question:

What do you need help with?

In this episode, I describe a way in which we can all become better at asking people what they need help with. I riff on why there are ways that are worse to offer help in, and why I think it's important to talk about how we offer help to one another.

42 פרקים

#Podcasting Education #Self-Improvement #Caspian Almerud

Ep. 9: On Help.

Caspian with a riff on:

published לפני 6 שנים

שתפו

M4A•בית הפרקים

What do you need help with?

42 פרקים

#Podcasting Education #Self-Improvement #Caspian Almerud

כל הפרקים

Caspian with a riff on:

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41. on getting out of a Rut 12:53

לפני 2 years12:53

12:53

This week started bad. Loads of worrying, no proper sleep for a couple of days, and some kind of bug physically. In short, I’ve been far below 100%. Thursday, I got home from work. Tired. I went for a walk instead of a run. I decided that my body might do good with a short break from running, but I still need the movement. Got back to shower, and still tired. Grumpy. Moody. Feeling sorry for myself. In the shower, I thought about the mood, and how it’d bothered me for almost a week. Noticed it. And decided to let go of the bad juju. Stop it. I had enough. Sometimes that works. Just getting fed up. Sometimes I need to have those days or weeks where I’m moody and in a rut. It’s a signal for something else, or just the state I’m in. I know that others have these periods as well. And I’ve spoken to a lot of people who are stuck in a rut they don’t want to be in anymore without knowing what to do about it. I’ve developed and stolen some ideas on that. Shifting attention from the negative and bothering to things i want to focus on, with the goal being to get out of and away from the rut. These are some of them. Steal them with pride. Show notes →…

Caspian with a riff on:

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40. on Running a 24h Marathon 10:56

לפני 2 years10:56

10:56

Last Friday, I left work at 4 pm. I went to the grocery store to pick up a bunch of cookies, chips, some fruit and light beers. The cashier looked at me like she was wishing me a happy party. I got home, changed into my running clothes and went out for a 2 mile run. Then I proceeded to run a little more than 1 mile every hour on the hour up until 4 pm on the Saturday. (doubled the last run because my knee was acting up when rested for 45 mins). When finishing the last run, I’d run my first marathon. It’s been a goal of mine for the past year to be able to run long distance again, and now I am. I want to talk about a couple of reflections I had from this experience. Show notes →…

Caspian with a riff on:

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39. on Structure 11:04

לפני 2 years11:04

11:04

I’m in a period of my life right now where I’m extremely disciplined. I’ve been here before and quite enjoy it. It’s very intentional, and is done in order for me to track myself against a couple of long term goals that I have. I have a flair for structure and discipline. I think it’s fun to explore, I like being disciplined and enjoy the results hugely. Hence, I’ve had questions asked about it quite a lot. Friends asking how I keep structure, or asking me to help them create discipline and structure in their lives. To some extent I can. I’m reluctant to spread the gospel and tell people to do what I do. I’ve tried that, and it never works. There’s so much trial and error behind my systems that are vital to the result today. What I can offer are a couple of principles that seem to be universal. They’ve worked well for me and as far as I know, for people who’ve used them in their lives. → Don’t focus on the tool Going gear first is so so common. It’s what most people do when they want to get in shape. It’s what I tend to do when I want to become more creative. And it’s what a lot of people do when looking for productivity. Even though I don’t use apple notes, I can completely relate to this image. When looking for tools, we don’t focus on what’s important or is going to have the biggest impact on our structure. We’re making things complicated, messy and eventually things are going to get lost. On top of that, I’ve been guilty of trying to “optimise” my tools rather than actually doing the work I’m supposed to do. The whole web in the middle takes time, and can feel like working, but it isn’t. One last note: When you develop systems for structure, you’re going to be fine with whatever tool you’re using. I’m currently using one app at work and another at home. I’m sufficient in both because I have my systems down. → Build systems you trust. In order for personal structure to work, you have to trust your systems. You have to trust that everything you need, be it notes, reminders, calendar invites or mathematic formulas, are in the right place. That’s why we build systems in the first place. A challenge that I’ve managed to condition out of myself, is that we tend to flex these systems. Most of us have a preferred place to take notes. If you don’t have one, you should. But when you’re in a meeting and forgot your computer, you’re gonna grab a pen and pencil to take notes. When you later on need those notes, you don’t instantly go to the notebook, you go to the app where you usually take your notes. All of a sudden, you can’t trust the system to contain all your notes anymore, and the system is going to fail. What you need to do is be ruthless with these rules for yourself. If you end up taking notes on a notepad once, you need to instantly convert those notes into your regular system. The same goes for all the systems you build for yourself to become more structured. → Decide and revise Every once in a while, I revise the systems I’ve built. The rules that I try to keep to. The way I do things. Then I decide on what I want to keep, what to get rid of and what to tweak. And commit. Systems is to a large extent about commitment. It’s about following through and doing what you’ve said you’ll do over and over again. While that’s important, it’s also important to do the right thing over and over again. Reminding me of the line from Love yours by J.Cole: The good news is, you came a long way The bad news is, you went the wrong way Coming a long way doesn’t really matter if you’re going the wrong way. Hence, make sure to revise properly and check your map. Show notes →…

Caspian with a riff on:

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38. on Experimenting 14:17

לפני 2 years14:17

14:17

When I was 14, I was convinced I needed 10 hours of sleep. I spoke to my mom about it, and told her that I constantly felt tired despite sleeping so much. To be fair, I was doing 6-10 sessions of football and running per week. But ten hours every night seems a bit high looking back. My mom told me that there’s such a thing as sleeping too much. I was confused, astounded and in disbelief. She then encouraged me to try it out. Test what happens if I sleep 6 hours a night for a week. Or 7, or 8. I’ve run a bunch of experiments on myself, some more successful than others. It’s a way for me to get to know myself, know my limits and learn more about my abilities. I’ve come to realise that not everyone does this, and I think it’s a shame. Sleep has been one of the integral ones, but far from the only thing I’ve experimented with. Every experiment has made me grow a little bit. Every single one, especially the miserable ones. That’s what we’re speaking about today. Show notes →…

Caspian with a riff on:

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37. on Values 11:46

לפני 2 years11:46

11:46

I remember vividly sitting in a workshop where we were speaking about our values. We’d been given a list of 60-something words to choose from, and were tasked with choosing 3-5 that felt important. After that, we were split into groups. Each person was given 20 minutes to share a story related to their word with the prompt “A time when [value word] was important to me…”. I was 20 at the time, in a group with people older and younger. It was wonderful speaking about these things. One woman in her 40s shared that feeling secure was important to her, that she’d declined job opportunities that fel too risky because of it. As an ambitious 20-year old I couldn’t fathom it. She continued sharing how she just kept thinking about what would happen to her children if she couldn’t pay her mortgage. Not put food on the table. What her husband would say and think about her. That’s when I understood. We all have values that are more or less important to us at different points in time. I have one set of values today, but I know very well that I didn’t have some of them just 6 months ago. They change over time, with us and with our environments. Show notes →…

Caspian with a riff on:

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36. on Grit 12:04

לפני 2 years12:04

12:04

Grit has proven one of the most important skills and traits in predicting success. That is, if you want to see who’s going to become successful, look for grit. Grit is what keeps you going when inspiration, motivation and sometimes even reason goes out the window. I’ve practiced grit over the past 6-7 years. More or less intentionally, I’ve tried to find ways to keep myself going when I don’t feel like it. It’s a big part of why I’ve developed the way I have in those years. Especially now, where I’ve set up a goal to become an ultra runner, I know that the practice is going to pay off. I’ve already felt it. I don’t want to exercise every day, despite that being my plan. But waking up at 4:30 on a windy/rainy/snowy Sunday morning, I don’t always want to go for a run. But I do it either way. Show notes →…

Caspian with a riff on:

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35. on Problem Solving 10:02

לפני 2 years10:02

10:02

We all solve problems all the time. It’s natural to humans to do so. Almost everything you see around you is a solution to a perceived problem. But the skill of solving problems is hard to a lot of people. Having the right resources or tools doesn’t mean you’re able to solve a problem. You need to have a strategy on how to use those tools. I haven’t spent nearly enough time on developing models or strategies for problem solving, at least not consciously. Now I’ve started, and I think you should as well. Show notes →…

Caspian with a riff on:

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34. on Upskilling 11:41

לפני 2 years11:41

11:41

I think letting someone else take care of your education, of your learning and be responsible for your development is boring. It's quite naive, and frankly foolish. It's something that you need to be in charge of. Hence, I’ve tried to take charge of these things in my life. It’s not always easy, and it’s most certainly not always comfortable. But I think it’s necessary if you want it to happen. No one else is going to. Show notes →…

Caspian with a riff on:

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33. on Networks 11:27

לפני 2 years11:27

11:27

I’ve been a part of all kinds of networks over the past 6-7 years. Business related, large friend groups, creative hubs and online Facebook groups. All of them have had impact on shaping me into who I am and have created opportunities for me that I otherwise wouldn’t have had. They’ve also made me realise that there’s immense power in being part of a community, for a number of reasons. For growth, comfort as well as challenge and inspiration. I think access to communities and networks is going to get harder in the future. People are going to protect their closest communities and we’re going to value small, exclusive groups rather than big networks with loose bonds between one another. Hence, those of us that seek community need to act. Act by creating, participating and nurturing the networks we want today in order to have them in 10 years. What networks and communities do you want to have in your life? Show notes →…

Caspian with a riff on:

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32. on Information and Learning 22:10

לפני 2 years22:10

22:10

We don’t live in an information society anymore. Simply because information is virtually free and infinitely accessible. What I think matters today is 3 things: Can you find the right information and make sure it is indeed the right information? Can you convert the information to contextual knowledge? Can you convert that contextual knowledge to an action or skill? Simply put: How do you solve complex problems that you haven’t encountered before? Show notes →…

Caspian with a riff on:

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31. on Time pt. 2 15:08

לפני 2 years15:08

15:08

Time and time again. This riff is a bit more practical on time than the last one I did. A bit more in depth on two theories that I heard just a couple of days ago and since have pondered happily. How we speak about time is extremely powerful. Just as I spoke about the last time around, the way you perceive time can impact your actions, behaviours and even mood. At leas it does for me. Hence, I think these two theories and thoughts might be quite useful in speaking about time with others. Show notes →…

Caspian with a riff on:

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30. On being Competitive 12:53

לפני 2 years12:53

12:53

I’ve reflected quite a lot on my own competitiveness lately. I have a reputation among my friends of being obnoxiously competitive. It’s served me well at times, just as it’s been a hindering factor to many of my relationships. Hence, I want to work on making it a choice to be competitive. It's a superpower that should be used with care. Show notes →…

Caspian with a riff on:

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29. On Time 15:51

לפני 2 years15:51

15:51

I’ve tried to optimise time on being productive, on fitting the most things to do in the least amount of time and on feeling the best in the moment. Right now, I’m optimising it to benefit me over time. In trying to bend time to my current will, I’ve spent some time thinking about time. The mental models people have come up with, the metaphysics of time and most importantly, how do we perceive time as humans? These thoughts have become even more prominent in periods of my life where I’ve felt a shortage of time. I’ve had several periods where I try my best to optimise time spent in order to get to do the things I want. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way, these mental models or thoughts have been helpful in thinking about time. Show notes →…

Caspian with a riff on:

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28. On controlling your Emotions 12:21

לפני 2 years12:21

12:21

I had a realisation last week. One of those proper ones where it seems like it came from nowhere, whilst out walking. The realisation was this: Control over emotions is a dial. In the past, I’ve seen control over emotions as something that I’m pretty good at. I can tone almost any emotion down at almost any time. I’ve got extreme patience, something I’m very happy about. The thing is, if control over my emotions is a dial and I’m really good at pulling the volume down, do I really have control? I’m horrible at pulling the volume up. I don’t like it and rarely do. I’m reevaluating what control over my emotions mean, and I think a lot more people need to do the same. At least if you, like me, believe it’s a dial. Show notes →…

Caspian with a riff on:

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27. On being a Fanatic 9:41

לפני 2 years9:41

9:41

I’ve been a fanatic in a bunch of different ways. Keeping sleep schedules religiously, keeping streaks and on mantras. And I still am, in many areas. More confidently and hopefully a bit more thoughtfully. Being a fanatic is often thought of as being religious or political, but that’s quite limiting for a behaviour that’s present in many more areas of life. Being a fanatic is, according to Amos Oz, being a person who can only count to one. Meaning you only have one solution or can only take one single perspective. In some areas of life that’s great. It makes life a lot easier. In others it’ll make you limited. Reflecting on what areas being a fanatic serves you and when it doesn’t has been useful to me. It’s led me to think of when I want to be fanatic, how fanatic I want to be and in what ways I want to present that part of me to the world. I hope this inspires you to do the same. Show notes found here →…

Caspian with a riff on:

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26. On Balance 13:57

לפני 2 years13:57

13:57

This episode is personal on some level. All the advice and ideas are things that I’ve experimented my way to. Hence, they might not be applicable to your life. Have that in mind. I’ve struggled with the concept of finding balance. Mostly because there’s been an emphasis on relaxation and that you have to DO relaxation in order to be balanced. I think balance can be found in many different shapes and forms. As I go in to in this episode, we all have different cycles. And finding your cycle is, to me, at the core of finding balance. I hope you’ll find some inspiration to find more balance in your life. Show notes found here →…

Caspian with a riff on:

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25. On Trust 13:02

לפני 2 years13:02

13:02

This week, I speak to the topic of Trust that I've pondered quite a lot lately. Show notes are found here →

Caspian with a riff on:

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24. On Change pt. 3 11:25

לפני 2 years11:25

11:25

The last riff on change, for now. We’ve expanded the circle to cover more than your inner circle, extending it all the way to the world. Something I don’t touch on in the episode is why you’d want to change the world. I touch on it in the show notes, but it might have to be a future riff. I’ve had a couple of people reaching out over the past two episodes, discussing the ideas. If you’re taking the time to watch and/or listen, I want to encourage that. This becomes so much more fun if the episodes are starts for conversations rather than me just speaking to my phone. :) Show notes found here →…

Caspian with a riff on:

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23. On Change pt. 2 8:53

לפני 2 years8:53

8:53

In this episode, I discuss the concept of changing other people. I share the advice my mother gave me, stating that we cannot change others, but we can change the way we interact with them. Emphasising again that we can only change the intersection of our relationship with someone else. I introduce the concept of "me plus you equals we" and explain that we can only control what's in our control. I also discuss how my friend, who works as a consultant in digitalisation in schools, deals with resistance to change. He focuses on early adopters, who are more receptive to new ideas, and uses their influence to sway the indecisive middle and eventually the late adopters or "grumpy bunch." In summary, if we want to change someone else, we should focus on changing the intersection between our relationship with that person. The key takeaways from this episode are to change our perspective or approach in a relationship and to focus on early adopters when trying to implement change within a group. Show notes found here →…

Caspian with a riff on:

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Ep 22. On Change pt. 1 8:17

לפני 2 years8:17

8:17

I’ve been pondering change for quite some time I think most of us have at one point or other. As we should. I think Change is one of the most important things to ponder. It has been for me. In this episode, I speak to how I think one changes themselves. Or rather, how I at this point in time think I change myself. Because that’s what these riffs are, photographs of some thoughts I have at the moment. In this episode I speak about how I've gone about changing myself. The thoughts, ideas and principles have helped me greatly in those processes, and I hope they help you too! Show notes found here → (don't sleep on them, there's a bunch of extra curricular for you if you want it!)…

Caspian with a riff on:

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Caspian with a riff on Change – intro 2:33

לפני 2 years2:33

2:33

I'm starting this project up again! This time, there'll be show notes. You can find them here → I’ve been pondering change for almost three months, that’s when i started thinking about getting this project going again. It started with a question from someone who’s been listening to the podcast, and for that I’m really grateful.…

Caspian with a riff on:

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Ep 21. On celebration 9:37

לפני 5 years9:37

9:37

I’ve been doing some reflective thinking on the importance and difference in celebration lately. I recently graduated from my university studies and due to the pandemic, our graduation ceremony wasn’t what it usually is. I was reluctant to go to the live one, and even more so to the zoom version, so I didn’t. The class that I graduated with decided to throw an unofficial graduation ceremony and party, and I chose not to participate in that one either. My justification for not participating is that my mom is in the risk group for Covid, and my grandmother recently passed from it. Even so, I could very well have gone. The thing is, I really didn’t want to. There are multiple reasons, but the main ones are that I don’t really feel like my degree is something worthy of celebration, and the second one is that the way we celebrate things over here doesn’t at all suit me. And so, I want to write some about those two things. The stance on that I have different standards for celebrating than many others, and the way we pursue celebration.…

Caspian with a riff on:

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Ep 20. Another one on Decision making 6:16

לפני 5 years6:16

6:16

I decided to make good decisions, It's the best decision I ever made. A couple of texts that might be interesting to read on the subject: https://medium.com/@caspianalmerud/beslutsl%C3%A5dan-aa2f3d5666b9 https://medium.com/@caspianalmerud/4-things-that-will-make-you-a-better-decision-maker-e5a38b55d81 https://medium.com/@caspianalmerud/five-pointers-for-decisionmaking-c38fac362dba https://medium.com/@caspianalmerud/decisions-8eb32767a639…

Caspian with a riff on:

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Ep. 19: On pace. 14:14

לפני 5 years14:14

14:14

There a number of ways of talking about pace, and a number of areas to apply it in. I think it's important for all of us to start thinking about the pace we're keeping, and at what pace we'd like to go.

Caspian with a riff on:

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Ep. 18: On planning. 11:28

לפני 5 years11:28

11:28

Plans seldom go according to the actual plan. That can't be the reason we plan - for plans to go accordingly. There must be another reason. My aim with planning is to be comfortable enough to know that things are going to happen, for me to be able to get rid of the plan entirely. If I plan my week, I know exactly what needs to be done, and when it's due. I can then do my tasks in whatever order I want to. There's a really important lesson in this episode, on how to handle the fact that your plans aren't predictions.…

Caspian with a riff on:

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Ep. 17: On rules to live your life by. 14:23

לפני 5 years14:23

14:23

This week, the riff is on exactly those rules. I explain my six mantras or rules that I consult when I'm feeling like I'm in a rut or a bit confused. Those rules are, for me: Macro patience, micro speed. Don’t believe all of your thoughts Doing has a higher value than not doing Don’t make 1000 decisions when one will do You're a human being, before you’re a human doing Move fast and break things…

Caspian with a riff on:

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Ep. 16: On fear. 12:54

לפני 5 years12:54

12:54

This week, the riff is on fear. More specifically, fear as an obstacle. The attitude we have towards anything can either help us or make things harder for us. The attitude is oftentimes a layer with an automatic emotional response to something. So if I have a very positive attitude, I will perceive things in a more positive manner. When the attitude is negative, our automatic response is often fear. The thing with fear is that it helps us in a bunch of cases, but those cases are more and more rare, and the response itself rarely stand in proportion to the reality of the situation we're responding to. In this episode, I riff on changing your attitude, especially in relation to fear.…

Caspian with a riff on:

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Ep. 15: On structure with Love. 13:38

לפני 5 years13:38

13:38

I've been interested in structure for a very long time, almost as long as I can remember. To have a personal structure of my days, keep track of the projects that I'm working on and to keep the information I gather very neat has been a core success factor for me. With all that being said, when I've read up on personal structure, there has always been a system. Let's take GTD as an example . The system is there, and the user has to conform to it. The thing is, all of the things that GTD suggests aren't applicable to all of us. So instead, I suggest you start with love. Start with yourself, and then build the systems of structure around you. If you need a To-Do list, it wouldn't make sense to get an app if you rather stay of your phone. And if you, like me, want to be able to sync all of your devices and be able to keep track of your tasks wherever you go, it makes a lot of sense. That's what this episode is about. To start with yourself and build structure around you.…

Caspian with a riff on:

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Ep. 14: On Core Principles 14:59

לפני 5 years14:59

14:59

Tools are incredibly important. That's where I usually start out when entering a new domain. If I would start with photography, I'd start by buying a really good camera. But that might not be the way to go. In every area or field, there are some core principles. Principles explaining how we can achieve better within that field. And I think we've all encountered those core principles within a field. Realising that a good stamina helps enormously when playing soccer, or that a clean structure for your e-mail eases the use of the inbox. This episode is on just that. The core principles of things. Inspired by "The book of five rings" by Miyamoto Musashi .…

Caspian with a riff on:

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Ep. 13: On Mindfulness 12:25

לפני 5 years12:25

12:25

Mindfulness is absolutely, without a doubt, one of the things that myself and my friends have been spending the most time talking about in the past 5 years. It's also something that most people have a relationship to, as do I. That relationship is a bit complex, and not always at its best. I think mindfulness, if practiced, should be practiced as a proactive activity. I also think it needs to be done because one thinks it's worth doing. Those two components, to me, are at the heart of mindfulness. Rushing to yoga class is counterproductive and it doesn't serve the purpose of mindfulness itself at all. And that's what this riff is about, the core principle of mindfulness, and how you can practice it without practicing it.…

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