EP249 Pitfalls of the Prove It Mentality

Fearlessly Fertile Podcast with Rosanne Austin

Are you an “I’ll believe it when I see it” kind of woman? Learn how this seemingly “realistic” and “sensible” mentality with make your fertility journey 10x worse and can create the worst kind of blocks between you and your baby. Can’t say Mama didn’t warn you…

Transcript:
Hey Gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, Fertility Mindset Master. Former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43 despite years of fertility treatment failure. I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell yes for your fertility journey.

It’s time to get fearless baby, fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 249, Pitfalls of the Prove It Mentality. Hey, my loves, I’m so excited to be here with you this week. As we dive in, I mean, sister, by the time you hear this, we are within spitting distance of 2024.

And in furtherance of my desire to really help prepare you to be super fucking successful on your fertility journey in 2024, I want to continue down this path of calling things out and, you know, that might need some upgrades, okay, when it comes to how you want to approach Your fertility journey, your life, and all of that goodness in 2024.

And this is why my attention was immediately drawn to the pitfalls of the Prove It Mentality. Now, it’s funny because when we think about the Prove It Mentality, here’s what I’m talking about. This is where people will move through their life and, and take the position of I’ll believe it when I see it, and people, like, they just love to rest on the laurels of being realistic and being sensible and all of this stuff, but there’s a real set of problems that can come up and sabotage patterns that can be created when You stay stuck in the stance of oh, I’ll believe it when I see it and having a negative bias is somehow realistic and sensible, right?

People put so much emphasis in this really warped belief system that expecting the worst. And, and holding back until they see some evidence is somehow the right thing to do, or the better thing to do, or the wiser thing to do. But at some point you gotta ask yourself, if you look at your results thus far, and that’s what you’ve been doing, you’ve gotta ask, is that actually working for me?

Is folding my arms and saying, prove it, I’ll believe it when I see it, I’m gonna be realistic, I’m gonna be sensible, And I’m, I’m gonna wait to see the evidence, right? Is that actually moving you forward on your journey? Or is it keeping you in a position where you aren’t taking the risks, you aren’t taking the leaps, you aren’t breaking out of the pattern, you’re doing the same old shit, and then you’re wondering why you are not getting a different result.

You see, the primary problem that comes up with this kind of, what I call, prove it mentality, is It is inherently defensive. Okay, when you really pick apart the I’ll believe it when I see it, oh just be realistic, oh just be sensible kind of mentality, is number one, at its core, a defensive position. And when we are in a defensive position, we look at the outside world as Everyone’s just trying to, to, to get me.

Everyone’s out to get me. Right? This is one of the, one of the telltale signs that I hear, you know, when, when the team and I are interviewing women for my programs, and the first thing they want to do is blame their doctor, blame a whole bunch of other people. I mean, that’s a massive sign of victimhood.

Okay? And look, hey, I’m not discounting the fact that you might have had shitty care in the past. We all have. But to broadly paint. all fertility professionals as being out to get you, that’s not a position of power. And in being in that place of defensiveness, the walls go up. You don’t let anything in.

And it be, it positions you to be very hard to work with if anyone will work with you, right? I mean, for me, it’s a giant red flag when people blame all of their problems on, on somebody in the past, okay? Because as any rational and reasonable person, Uh, we’ll agree. The reality is, is it takes two to tango, baby.

Right? Nobody is doing anything to you on this journey that at some level you didn’t sign up for. Okay? We all make the choices to go to the clinics we go to, to engage the support that, that we have and all that good stuff. Alright? So, It puts you in a place of defensiveness to be in, you know, prove it.

I’ll believe it when I see it. Just be realistic and just be sensible, right? It’s all small. I mean, that’s another thing. So in addition to the prove it mentality being insanely defensive and an underscoring of a victim mentality. It also has an air of suspicion, right? There’s this suspiciousness about it, like, and in addition to that suspiciousness, probably even worse than the defensiveness and that icky level of suspicion, which inherent in suspicion and defensiveness is actually a belief in lack and scarcity.

I mean, I know we get to lack and scarcity a lot here. But it’s because it’s so frickin pervasive, right? It reeks of lack and scarcity, you know? Like, this is the only opportunity I have, or, you know, here’s this money that I spent, and it was all for nothing. Like, it’s all lack and scarcity, okay? So, just in the first five minutes of this podcast, we’re pointing out how the prove it mentality is inherently defensive.

Uh, it’s based in lack and scarcity, and it’s suspicious. It’s like everything about it puts you at a disadvantage and positions you instead of a place of power. It’s making you a victim of your circumstances and has you in a place of blame, right? Because the only people that blame other people for the things that happen in their lives are people who don’t feel like they’re in control of their lives.

They don’t see themselves as authorities. They don’t see themselves as leaders. They don’t see themselves as the mama bear leading the train straight to baby town, okay? But I think the, the other pitfall here of the prove it mentality, and it really goes to, I think, the, the basic core of how We do anything on this journey is the belief that it can’t happen for you think about that when you say prove it, I’ll believe it when I see it inherent and at the very foundation of that belief, it’s not like necessarily.

You’re simply questioning if other people are out to get you or out to hurt you and all that other stuff that we already talked about. We’re going to the next level and pointing out that inherent in that belief system, at its core, is you don’t believe in you. You don’t believe that you’re worth having this.

You don’t believe that you’re worth investing in. You don’t believe that your dream is worth it. Okay? Because everything in this life requires a level of risk. But when you’re running around saying, prove it, I’m blaming these people. These people are out to get me. Fertility experts and, and people in the fertility world are all frauds and all trying to get me.

Right? Like, it’s just fucking heartbreaking when I hear women say to me, Well, you know, that doctor just did this treatment to get my money. Really? Really? You know what was going on in their head? You honestly believe that the only reason why they took you on as a patient is cause they’re trying to get your money.

Really? Like, just think about that. Think about how low vibrational that is. Even as you’re hearing me say it, it’s fucking gross. Right? Am I saying that there are not people out there that are, you know, getting in over their skis and what they’re doing, or they’re over promising and under delivering? Sure.

That happens in every industry, right? To paint people with a broad brush like that and, and run around your journey with such a negative expectation primarily of you and yourself, as I was saying, because at the core of Prove It is you don’t believe it. And it’s not necessarily that you don’t believe somebody can help you.

I think people who run around with a mentality. That of Prove It, at some level they do believe that people can help, but at the core they don’t believe they can be helped. They don’t believe they are worth it, as I said earlier. Because, here’s the thing, just as somebody might be pointing the blame at someone else, like, you point one finger at somebody, there are three fingers pointing right back at you.

That is the essence of what makes the Prove It mentality so toxic. And so destructive on your journey and think about it when you believe all those things that we were just discussing that people are out to get you at your defensive, you’re suspicious, you’re laden and lack and scarcity and you actually don’t believe good things can happen for you.

How likely are you? To do anything that’s actually going to move you forward. Okay, you might do it for a few, a few months. You might do a few rounds here, but you’ll fucking give up. You’ll give up and then you’ll have a chip on your shoulder for the rest of your life saying that a bunch of people just stole your money and there you are.

Okay, this is why this belief system and that mentality is so freaking toxic. Because this is also why people will hop from coach to coach or physician from physician, you know, like they’ll just start hopping all over the place, never giving anyone a legitimate opportunity to help them because they’re so afraid.

They’re so afraid, and ultimately, that fear and that prove it mentality. All goes back to that single thing that I was just speaking of. They don’t actually believe they’re worth having what they say they want. Oh, and they’ll deny it. They’ll deny it. They’ll deny it up and down and love to wallow in the victimhood and get on message boards and complain about this or complain about that all the while.

There’s going to be a group of women on the journey who instead of blaming and pointing fingers and saying prove it to me are asking smarter questions. Like, how can this work for me? I’m willing to take this risk on me. And are open hearted and looking to trust instead of starting relationships based on suspicion and doubt.

Suspicion and doubt are not where your baby lives, mama. So I want you to really take what I’ve shared here and ask yourself, where are you living your journey with a prove it mentality? Because allowing the prove it mentality, the I’ll believe it when I see it, be realistic, be sensible, will make your journey ten times worse and can create the worst kind of blocks to your baby because in the end, you don’t actually believe you deserve to have this baby.

So you’ve got to ask yourself, where am I acting like this? Because If you have that on your journey, you’ve got to address it. Because at the core, if you don’t believe you deserve what you say you want, you won’t do what it takes to have it. And you will sabotage it, without even knowing. I know a lot of big hearted, kind, amazeballs women, who, until they address this in them, They will continue to sabotage when they learn how to turn things around.

It’s like, bam, it’s like that baby comes out of nowhere. It’s like, oh my gosh, I’ve been blocking this baby. I mean, if you’ve been listening to this podcast long enough, you know, we hear from women constantly who will come to me and there’ll be suffering for years. They do a program. They transform their mindset.

They keep doing it. They keep working at it. And then boom, right? It happens. And sometimes it happens in ways they hadn’t anticipated. It’s, the other thing about the prove it mentality that I want to point out is it’s fucking egotistical. It’s super based in hubris, okay? Because it’s like, well, I know this and I know that, but it’s like, wait a second, what are you talking about?

All you know is your experience and that’s it. So when you get out of The suspicion, when you get out of the defensiveness, when you get out of the lack and scarcity, and the belief that you don’t deserve it, and you get out of the ego and, and get into reality, you’re able to see a completely different set of possibilities.

And that’s exactly what my ladies do. You replace the suspicion with faith. And it’s not from a Pollyanna perspective, but you, you begin to realize that there have been some fear based Ways of thinking that have created blocks between you and your baby. Now, there’s one more thing that I want to say about the prove it mentality.

The people running around with that thought process dominating the way that they live their life tend to be so afraid of being wrong that they would rather cling to shit That is ultimately wrong just to save face. They’ll hold on to shit that doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t matter what you show them.

It doesn’t matter how many examples you give. The idea, the, the threat of being wrong is so terrifying to them. That they’ll cling to their broken down beliefs just so that they don’t have to admit that maybe they needed to grow. Or that maybe there was another way of looking at it that was more productive.

And that is both scary and heartbreaking. And chances are you might know some people in your life that way. And that it doesn’t matter what you put in front of them, they can’t admit that they were wrong about something, they won’t grow. And when you look around their life, their life proves it. Their results in their life will show how committed they are to being right, regardless of how truly wrong they are.

And ultimately, none of this is about Making people wrong or, or making people right. It’s simply looking at a thought process that could be costing you your baby right now. So, here’s what I would encourage you to do. Where are you living in a prove it to me way on your journey? Where are you saying, prove it!

Coming from fear, lack, scarcity, suspicion, not believing in yourself. And all of the things that we talked about, or being defensive, right? Where is that showing up for you on your journey? Because in the places where you are in a prove it mentality, straight up, sister, you’re blocking opportunities. You’re blocking your ability to see the whole picture.

Because in the end, this desire in your heart to be a mom, it’s there because it was meant for you. And I don’t care how good you are at planning most of your life, When it comes to this baby, uh, throw your plans out the window, okay? We have some educated guesses about how this baby may get here, but sometimes things won’t go to plan.

And you might have to look in places you hadn’t anticipated, like your mindset, right? You may be in recovery from believing that medicine was gonna save your ass and you’re finally coming to the place where you’re like, Oh shit, uh, I’ve done all this shit and nothing’s working, uh, hmm, maybe I should look at my mindset.

And like so many women before. Focus only on the physical, do nothing about the mental, and then be in a place of, Oh, the nothing’s gonna work for me, then they work on the mental, and boom. This is how powerful you are, my love. Okay? So your homework assignment is to take a look around. Where am I living in a prove it mentality?

Okay? Do this from a place of love. This isn’t about making you wrong, as I said before. It’s simply about awareness. And awareness is key to making lasting change. And if you want to make the kind of change that really sticks and can help you beat insane odds, my Fearlessly Fertile Method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say hell yes to covering their bases, mind, and body.

So you don’t have to look back on this time in your life with regret. I only work with women who are committed to success. To apply for an interview for my signature eight week program, go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there. My methodology is help women around the world make their mom dreams come true.

The results speak for themselves. Because if you don’t have a mindset for success in the journey, baby, you got to gape and hole in your strategy. You’re really willing to live with that. Let’s fix that shit and set you up for success in 2024. Till next time, change your mindset, change your results. Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile podcast?

Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember, the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.