#187 What if we focused less on self-care and more on self-nurture to progress our hoarding recovery?

That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

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Self-care gets a lot of airtime these days, but I’ve started rethinking what it actually means, especially when you’re struggling with hoarding disorder. In this episode, I talk about why marketed, consumer-driven “self-care” just adds more pressure, and why nurturing yourself with compassion, connection, and practical routines is far more effective. Plus, I share some genuinely helpful, low-cost ways to support yourself without adding to the clutter - or your to-do list.

• Self-Care in Modern Times
• Evolution of the meaning of “self-care”:
• The older, practical definition (basic hygiene, nourishment)
• Current consumer-driven, extravagant interpretations
• Critique of modern self-care commercialisation
• Challenges of Hoarding and Mental Health Struggles
• Emotional toll of hoarding disorder
• Stress, anxiety, depression, trauma, grief
• The exhausting process of trying to “fix” things
• Daily stressors of living in a hoard
• Feelings of failure, constant reminders, adrenaline spikes from unexpected visitors, tripping over items
• The Real Purpose of Self-Care
• Balancing negative emotions (stress, grief, trauma) with activities that nurture the soul
• Evaluating popular self-care advice
• The problem with universal, commercialised recommendations
• Importance of individualised, inward-looking approaches
• Introducing the Concept of "Self-Nurture"
• How self-nurture differs from self-care
• Greater compassion, sustainability, and personalisation
• Emphasis on looking inwards for individual needs
• Practical examples of self-nurturing activities
• The Pitfalls of Commercialised Self-Care
• The “shoulds” culture and guilt surrounding unmet self-care standards
• Surface-level versus meaningful acts of care
• How marketed solutions often do not address real needs
• Guilt and shame when unable to practice recommended self-care (especially for those who hoard)
• Consumer Culture and Self-Care
• Self-care as a commodified experience: Encouragement to buy unnecessary products
• How this affects people who hoard
• Risk of exacerbating clutter by acquiring more as “self-care”
• Focus on external fixes rather than internal wellbeing
• The Benefits of Self-Nurture
• Self-nurture as inexpensive or free
• Focus on activities rather than acquisitions
• Finding joy or restoration in simple practices (e.g., using what you have, accessing the library, running without specialised gear)
• Compassionate Self-Nurture in Practice
• Asking internal questions about core needs (physical, emotional, psychological)
• Treating oneself as one would treat a person they love
• Emphasis on gentle, non-critical, incremental progress
• Drinking water for wellbeing rather than obligation
• Time in nature, connecting with friends, creativity, self-acceptance
• Building Emotional Security and Gentleness
• Establishing emotional security as a core need
• Managing self-criticism and reaching out for connection despite anxiety
• Celebration of small wins and progress
• Validating and acknowledging difficult feelings with compassion
• Evaluating and Choosing Nurturing Activities
• Key questions to ask: “Will this nurture me emotionally, psychologically, or physically?”
• Differentiating between genuine needs and justifying unnecessary purchases
• Avoidance of reinforcing negative patterns through acquisition
• Developing a Personal Toolbox for Self-Nurture
• Gathering and customising strategies that work
• Routines and coping mechanisms
• Taking stock of helpful techniques, personalising approaches
• Recognising and valuing unique sources of restoration
• Top Tip
• DIY, low-cost tip for cleaning the dishwasher with household items
• Encouragement to take any step, however small, towards self-nurture

Links

• The "feeling your feelings" episode
• Episodes talking about the inner critic: with Steve Chapman; about the song that changed everything for me; and about making mistakes
• Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form
• Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding
• Become a Dehoarding Darling
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• Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions
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