13 | Re-Mothering Ourselves

Ambition Without Compromise

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Mothering is strongly connected to ambition because it is a core part of the undercurrent of what we are experiencing as women building and creating in the world. I am choosing to open up this conversation because it is difficult, but we all have these personal experiences, and it is crucial to acknowledge that we are not alone in them.
This can feel like a particularly challenging topic for those of us who are people of color or first and second generation because it’s typically seen as taboo and even disrespectful to ever publicly broach the topic of our mothering outside of doting celebration. But there is more to our experience of being mothered than that.
This is not a conversation about being ungrateful or attempting to be disloyal. I want us to begin to separate honesty from loyalty and find a safe space to own that how we have experienced mothering is completely subjective to us and we (and our mothers as well) are allowed to hold our individual perspectives of what was and wasn’t there and how we feel about it.
Our mothering and re-mothering experiences are, in a profound and pervasive way, impacting how we make choices, make decisions, and show up as leaders. I came to an understanding of my own mothering through years of therapy. I came to today’s topic through numerous interactions with the women I know and/or have worked with and, in particular, three recent conversations with some important women in my life where I realized there was something special to offer by opening up the (layered!) conversation about our mothering and, more importantly, what it can look like for us to re-mother ourselves (and each other) as grown women.
So I wanted to share some stories today and offer my unique perspective of why I was empowered to reexamine, reassess, and redefine what mothering looks like for myself, my children, and the women in my village who are re-mothering alongside me.
GEMS DROPPED
“We are carrying our mothers’ stories, we're carrying the most beautiful and powerful… like in ways that the world never recognized in them, not truly not in a way that was congruent with just how amazing they truly are and what potential they carry. And, what opportunities they should have had … what shots they should have been able to take, and we're carrying their dreams. And many times …in many cases, their broken dreams [we] are carrying that with us and all of their potential and that can be heavy. Like you can hold that as an honor. You can hold that as a lot of things. But it's also …I don't care what anyone says… that's heavy. It's a whole human’s potential that, in many ways, was overlooked and stomped on right, systemically. “
“We never stopped needing mothering. We never stopped needing it. And it's hard when you just can't access it in the ways that you need it most. It's hard. It really really, really is. and it will impact what you go after”.
“I think a big part of what makes things realistic is looking back at what has actually been true. And what do I know about where this is coming from? That is not based in my current reality, that this is based on some old stuff, that this is based on some emotional reckoning that is trying to occur, but it's not based on the actual data of what's available to me, what's going on in the world? What is most likely based on my experiences?”
“I have to work with myself in these ways to re-mother because the experiences of my past and what I feel emotionally obligated to or like I'm being pushed to rise into that I don't have it…, it's not real.”
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