Gemma Hartley on Sharing The Mental Load

That's Helpful with Ed Stott

Back in 2015, journalist Gemma Hartley wrote an article for Harper’s Bazaar that went viral. The article was about emotional labor & it really hit home for so many people - in fact 2 BILLION people read it. It led to Gemma writing a book on the topic & coming up with some real solutions to this incredibly familiar experience. Gemma is the author of Fed Up; Navigating & Redefining Emotional Labour For Good.

CONNECT WITH US Connect with ⁠That's Helpful on Instagram. Find Gemma on Instagram⁠ & via her website.

BOOKS Fed Up; Navigating & Redefining Emotional Labour For Good. Want to become a podcast sponsor, got some feedback for me or just fancy a chat? Email me - [e-mail] TIMESTAMPS

00:00:00 - Intro

00:00:55 - The Mother’s Day that led Gemma to write the book

00:03:30 - What is emotional labor?

00:06:35 - Society assumes women are the default parent

00:08:00 - The mindset of ‘helping out’

00:10:40 - What happened when Gemma’s husband became the full time at home parent

00:12:30 - The response to ‘stop being such a control freak’

00:15:00 - Setting shared standards

00:19:00 - Emotional labor for men in the dating period

00:21:12 - Why Gemma no longer asks for ‘help’ at home

00:25:11 - How to explain the problem without it becoming a fight

00:30:18 - Why taking on the emotional labor can make partners’ lives richer

00:33:15 - Having the expectation that this is going to require more than a single conversation

00:36:16 - Taking on the emotional labor of addressing emotional labor (!!)

00:40:30 - It’s okay to leave if someone isn’t meeting you where you are