226: Create intimacy at your next team offsite

The Corporate Yogi Podcast

INTRO

Hey, thanks for tuning in to the Corporate Yogi podcast, I’m your host Julie Zuzek. This pod is YOUR dedicated time for growth, developing practical tools to use with your team and in your other relationships and to learning deeply about who you are and what makes you tick! You are a brilliant and powerful being and I want you to invest more time reflecting on WHO are being, not just WHAT you are doing. Doing is awesome, but BEING is where the magic happens and what makes you truly feel fulfilled. You’re going to love this episode on creating intimacy at your next team offsite with a Designed Alliance. So here’s a look at what you’re going to learn today

1 – In the first segment I share a story of why this is such an important tool to use at your offsite and what can go horribly wrong if you don’t have one

2 – in the second segment I’ll share what a Designed Alliance is and how it works

3 – in the third segment I’ll share the 5-step process to create one

4 – and in the last segment I’ll explain exactly what you want to build into yours

So get out of your head, into your heart and let’s dive right in, shall we.

SEGMENT 1

I wanted to create this episode for you because we are in the peak of offsite season right now and as a facilitator I have so many resources that I’ve developed over the years, and this one in particular is a very simple, yet very valuable one to use. I personally use it at every single offsite I run and it has never let me down. But before I dive in to sharing it with you, I want to tell a story about a time when it wasn’t used and the dumpster fire that ensued without it. If I had to name this story it would be – Here’s everything NOT TO DO at your next team offsite. So let me back up and set the tone here, we’re rewinding back to 2010 when I was working for my last company as Director of Marketing. Our CEO wanted to organize a team offsite for the senior leadership team– which we did at least once a year. I’m always surprised how teams function without doing doing offsites. I wanted to start by saying I am so grateful for all the experiences I had in this last role, which was my last full time gig before becoming a coach and setting up my own business. This was such a transformative chapter in my life and I learned so much in those 3 years I lived in England. I learned about the culture, about doing business globally and also about myself. As head of Marketing some of the cool events I got to organize were client events spending time with Gold metal Olympian sailors, I also held a massive launch event in the city of London and a splashy cocktail party in the top floor of the Gherkin building. We took clients to Cowes sailing week in the Isle of Wight for a VIP client day out on a massive 72 foot yacht, we also went to a high-performance car racing of luxury cars on the track. My employer was an enterprise software company, so we had deep pockets and it was always my job to make sure we had the best of the best. It was a good life. Aside from the splashy client events, we also did the best team building events with our employees and senior leadership teams and I really valued this bonding time with peers. The specific event I wanted to share with you today was a team event with a navy simulation exercise for team bonding, which was hosted by Britain’s Royal Navy. Hands down, this was the most unique event of my life. I would give this one a 12 out of 10. The gist of the event was that it was a simulated experience where we made contact with an enemy ship, started to take on water and had to work together to prevent our ship from sinking. The day started with a debrief with the Naval officers. They walked us through the exercise, how the simulation would work and what to expect. And as I scanned the room, I could see half of my teammates were excited and ready to go and the other half with the fear of god on their face. Either way, it was go time, so we got ourselves dressed up in head to toe hazmat looking suits and made our way across the platform, and into the simulation ship. The joking and name calling of the morning started to dissipate once we suited up and as we say, it got real as we were now literally minutes away from whole simulation experience going down. We were each emerged in our own thoughts (fear or excitement) as our steel toed boots walked us down the vertical metal grated staircase onto the bridge of the simulation ship. We must have looked like the team of ghostbusters heading out on a reconnaissance mission, but we didn’t have plasma guns, a souped-up ghost buster car and our suits were bright pylon orange, zipped head to toe to protect us from the freezing cold water. The simulation exercise started out ok, the siren went off, like they warned us it would, which represented us making contact with the enemy ship and slowly the cold water started to trickle it’s way onto the bridge. It was just a bit of water, we were prepared for this. THEN things dialed up a bit, the emergency siren went off, the lights went off, and the slowly trickling water came in faster… and before we knew it we were waist high in freezing cold water. The mission, whether we accepted it or not, was to hammer wooden shimmies into the ship (yes an old school approach) to stop the water coming in. and because the water was so deep the team development element was holding your partner under the deep cold water, and keeping them down there as they hammered the wedges in. Somehow you were just logically supposed to know when they were done and ready to come back to the surface. They told what to do in the training, but not HOW to do it. Needless to say, it was emotionally charged, high stress and really intense. It went on for about 15 minutes, but felt like forever. Once the exercise was over, we took the requisite picture in the waist high water to capture this unique team experience. We continued the day with a nice splashy lunch, some good wine, and we were able to reflect at the experience. Even though most of us were able to laugh off the experience, something happened in that freezing cold water that day. Fear took over, people lost their cool during the simulation. I don’t blame them really. I personally have a penchant for extreme experiences, so I enjoyed it. But it’s not for everyone. I know my relationship with the colleague I was partnered up with was never the same again. He hadn’t expected to melt down and start freaking out in front of me. It’s so unfair for men, I feel for them really and all the “be a man” toxic messages they’re sent. They’re always programmed that they have to be the tough, strong protector, and when he wasn’t able to do that, something changed in him. And that’s the opposite of what you want to accomplish during an offsite. Needless to say, when it came time to plan the next offsite and it was slowly revealed that we were doing another Navy simulation exercise, this time a helicopter drowning simulation, not a ship, and members of the team put their foot down and said NO WAY – not going through that again. So, we opted for a more civilized team offsite in a meeting room with coffee cake flip charts and sharpies. Bottom line - Although extreme events make for great tv, they don’t always make for great teambuilding. If there’s an existing lack of trust on a team, like an employee not pulling their weight, or tension between two employees that don’t get along, there is no amt of zip lining, bungee jumping or tree top trekking that is going to fix that lack of trust, and in most cases it makes it worse. So that’s my example of what NOT to do at a team offsite. Don’t scare the crap out of your employees, or cause trauma or shame in them. Know your audience. If you’re the leader, an experience may seem exciting for you, but is it going to land with everyone on our team? Will it push them too far? Remember to consider your audience and plan accordingly.

SEGMENT 2

What exactly is a Designed Alliance? While leaders often prepare an agenda for WHAT they want to accomplish during their offsite, a Designed Alliance sets guidelines for HOW everyone will show up and participate during the day while you are working together. It outlines acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. It works by setting expectations, creating an intention, and removing ambiguity.

It’s an agreement about how everyone will show up and what we commit to

It’s simple and yet so powerful. One of the main reasons it’s required is that some people are nervous about spending this much time getting up close and personal with their colleagues. Let’s face it, some offsites can be vulnerable, and push us out of our comfort zone and in the days and weeks beforehand people often make up all sorts of stories of what might happen and how they will need to participate, what they might get asked to do. How are they going to act. Are they going to feel safe enough to bring up that ongoing issue with a colleague so it can be addressed out in the open? Let’s face it, it can feel downright scary. So, when we address the scariness and concerns people have on their mind right at the start of the offsite, it level sets the room and allows us to get deeper into the good stuff that will really move the dial. Now I know we throw around the terms offsite and team development all the time, so I want to take a minute here to explain the different types of offsite, so you can pick what is right for what you need right now. The first type I’m going to name is “Extreme adventure”, which is typically held offsite like my Navy simulation exercise I just shared. Other examples are white water rafting, ropes courses, rock climbing. Basically it’s where people are physically pushed out of their comfort zone. The goal here is to get people to bond together through a shared physical experience of being pushed out of their comfort zone. It works for some, but not for everyone, and as I mentioned, it can backfire depending on who is on your team. The second type of offsite is a “Group Experience”, also often held offsite but less intense like bowling, wine tasting, escape rooms, cooking classes and axe throwing. For convenience the wine tasting, and charcuterie board variations can probably come to you. The goal is to get people out of their typical environment and learn more deeply about their colleagues. The advantages here are to create fun bonding, and get colleagues to know each other more on a personal level. I actually approve of these events, not as a full day thing, but if you did a half day, or were looking for something fun to add in the evening – these activities are great, but don’t have enough substance on their own. The third option is an offsite held in a meeting room, and is called a “Problem Solving” offsite, like building a structure out of Marshmallows and spaghetti, collectively discovering a code to a locked black box. These are about getting people to know each other more deeply, but still in a sterile environment, people don't have to open up and share details of themselves, they still wear their corporate armour all day and don’t have to open up, they just need to contribute their brainpower and problem solving to the group. I’m not a fan of these, at all and don’t believe they add any value because they keep people in their comfort zones, womp womp, and we don’t create space for change to actually happen. The fourth type off offsite is a “Strategic Planning” offsite where you review what got done and then plan for what you want to get done in the coming year. These are fantastic and have a very specific purpose and you’re walking away with specific deliverables. My only observation here is to sprinkle in something where the team gets to bond and know each other at a deeper level, because it will make the planning that much more valuable. This leads us with the fifth option and my personal favourite – a “Facilitated Team Development”. This is what fast tracks intimacy and trust and develops the greatest value that will yield results when you get back to the office. However, it’s the most squishy and likely hardest to pull off as a facilitator – which is WHY I’m sharing the Designed Alliance tool. If you do this at the beginning – you’ll be golden and won’t have any problems at all. This style is where participants spend time together getting to know each other, at a deeper level and find out what makes them tick, who they really are and we address real-time issues and have vulnerable conversations not only about who we are, but about the actual problems we are facing. This is the space where you talk about being disappointed or where you feel there are major structural issues or gaps in the team. This is time to capture all those thousands of moments throughout the year in regularly held meetings where you say, ok let’s take this offline for a solve, but you never actually do because of time, fear or lack of courage. This is where courageous conversations and growth happen, and in my humble opinion the true heart of what an offsite should be. Then you can top and tail it with some of these other activities I have mentioned. OK let’s recap this segment by explaining exactly what a Designed Alliance is - while leaders often prepare an agenda for WHAT they want to accomplish during their offsite, a Designed Alliance sets guidelines for HOW everyone will show up and participate during the day while you are working together. It outlines acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. It works by setting expectations, creating an intention, and removing ambiguity.

SEGMENT 3

Now that you’re bought into creating a Designed Alliance, how do you create one? Well, here’s a 5 step process for you to follow to create a Designed Alliance with your team. So, grab a marker or open the notepad on your phone and write down these 5 steps. Step 1: Introduce the tool to your team at the start of the day. This is important because people likely haven’t done it before, so the concept might be new to them. You don’t want them to feel vulnerable and confused. So give them some context and explain this tool is for them to help them feel more comfortable through the day. Step 2: Invite everyone to make suggestions of what they do and don’t want included in the Designed Alliance. You may need to draw some people out here because they might not be volume contributors. An option would be to hand round some post-its and a pen to everyone before you start capturing ideas on the flip chart and give them a few minutes to think about it– which guarantees inclusion of your introverts, but it’s your judgment call to do this. Step 3: Get agreement from everyone that they’ll follow the guidelines in the Designed Alliance for the day. Once everyone has contributed ideas, ask for a show of hands, and ask them, who is willing to agree by this for the day. Make sure everyone agrees. Step 4: Post it somewhere visible in the room and keep it handy in case you need to reference it throughout the day. Step 5: Add to the agreement as needed. If something new comes up you can add it in. If someone violates one of the shared agreement items, you can reference it for context. Here’s how that might look – I know in our Designed Alliance we committed to One Voice, but I keep hearing side conversations which seem to be distracting Sherry from sharing her ideas. Can we refresh ourselves on having one voice and remember how important it is to follow this agreement today. And I want to share a quick note here about mindset and owning the room. Sometimes as I plan offsites with clients they have a tiny little bit of hesitation around, “Oh I don’t know if the team is ready to do that exercise or if they will actually participate”. And this is where I want to remind you that this is likely YOUR saboteur at play here. If you’re taking them to a vulnerable place, you have to buckle into that vulnerability drivers seat and own it, believe that they will participate and do personally what you need to model and permit that behaviour. You need to bring your confidence and believe in your team’s capacity to handle a certain exercise, because if you don’t, they won’t lean in and show up. I’ll share my favourite metaphor about flight attendants. I know we like the oxygen mask analogy with airplanes. But when it comes to leadership, I like the metaphor of hitting turbulence. When turbulence happens what is the first thing you do as a passenger? You look to the flight attendants to see if they’re freaking out or not, and if they’re calm then you’re able to be calm. This is exactly what it means to be a leader, people look to YOU to decide how they should respond. If you walk in that room and own the Designed Alliance and create it with confidence you are setting the tone for the day and people will drink whatever you serve up. If you’re nervous, hesitant or questioning yourself, they will pick up on this energy and match it. So let’s recap those 5 steps to create a Designed Alliance. Step 1: Introduce the tool to your team at the start of the day. Step 2: Invite everyone to make suggestions of what they do and don’t want included. Step 3: Get agreement from everyone that they’ll follow this for the day. Step 4: Post it in the room. And Step 5: Add to the agreement as needed

SEGMENT 4

So what should we add into the Designed Alliance? Here's a few suggestions of what you might want to include – Honesty; Vegas Rules: everything discussed in the room stays in the room (don’t share personal stories or details that people share today); Ask anything - because there are no bad questions; Everyone has an equal voice, regardless of hierarchy; Be present and don’t use your phones or laptops; No judgment; Have a beginner’s mind and be here to learn; Have fun -One voice: only one person talks at a time and we all give them our singular attention; respect everyone in the room; swearing is ok and/or strongly encouraged; it’s ok to be uncomfortable. As a facilitator always print this list and bring it with me to make sure I don’t forget anything to include. However, I don’t just write this list out when I get there, I start by asking the team to name things they want. This is more authentic and inclusive. Then as I you feel suggestions tapering off, you can refer to your list and make additional suggestions if you think something important was missed– what about authenticity, do we want authenticity in the room? Let them decide yes or no. I also want some common questions I get asked about a Designed Alliance, which might be floating around on your mind. Can I reuse it with my team? For example, let’s say you have a rockstar team and you do team sessions each quarter or twice a year. It might feel redundant to create a Designed Alliance each time. But, chances are that there’s new people on the team, new topics or themes and it’s important to creative something that is real-time and in the moment. Remember, every time you add a person to your team you are essentially changing the system – the collective of people with a common goal or purpose, so be sure to respect those changes. Question 2 - Who gets to add to add items to the Designed Alliance? Everyone in the room, there should be no hierarchy. I would encourage you to get everyone to contribute so they feel involved. Question 3 - Do we add things we want or only things we don’t want? We add both. For example, you’ll want to add honesty, but you can also name things you don’t want like no judgment. Question 4 - What if you don’t agree with something someone wants to add or if two people suggest things that contrast each other. This happens sometimes and where you earn your keep as facilitator. It’s a great opportunity for a dialogue to clarity what you really want in the room. Keep asking good powerful coaching questions...