Terry Real: Relationships, Trauma, and Inner Child Work

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

What gets in the way of truly intimate, healthy relationships…and what can we do about it? In this moving episode, Forrest is joined by renowned couples therapist Terry Real to explore how we can build deeper, more meaningful connections.

They unpack key concepts from Relational Life Therapy, including the shift from “me” to “us,” the difference between the adaptive child and wise adult, and how to stay grounded during conflict through relational mindfulness. Terry explains how individualism and patriarchal conditioning fuel disconnection, and how therapy can help couples move from power struggles to true collaboration. A highlight of the episode is a live experiential process, where Terry guides Forrest through some inner child work.

About our Guest: Terry Real is a family therapist, speaker, and bestselling author known for his groundbreaking work on men, masculinity, and relationships. He is the founder of Relational Life Therapy (RLT) and the author of several books including The New Rules of Marriage and Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:34: Systemic thinking in therapy, and the cultural forces that shape relationships

9:00: RLT and confrontation in therapy

12:58: The Adaptive Child, Wise Adult, and how internal parts shape how we relate

17:13: Relational mindfulness, and moving from 'me' to 'us'

27:12: Fierce intimacy: why telling the truth is more loving than being “nice”

30:16: Psychological patriarchy, and how it ruins our relationships

43:28: Experiential process: Terry guides Forrest through inner child work

54:07: How patriarchal norms distort emotional connection for men

1:06:24: Recap

Rick’s Change Your Mind Course: Learn how to break old scripts, get some space around self-doubting thoughts, and act in a new way. Six-week course starts June 21, learn more about it at RickHanson.com/changing. Use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive 25% off.

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to acornsearly.com/beingwell or download the Acorns Early app to help your kids grow their money skills today.

Get Notion Mail for free right now at notion.com/beingwell, and try the inbox that thinks like you

For a limited time, get Headspace FREE for 60 days. Go to Headspace.com/BEINGWELL60.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell.

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices